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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years ago

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By Your Doorstep (Part 8)

Summary: The reader and Sam try to find a way to ensure John leaves them alone while Dean has a sweet moment with Tessa...

Pairing: Doctor/Neighbor!Dean x reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 3,700ish

Warnings: language, bad parenting, past child abuse, manipulation, angst, fluff

A/N: Parts of this series are told from two different POV’s. Dean’s POV are written from limited third person. Reader’s POV are second person (like a typical reader insert). Enjoy!…

_________

Reader’s POV

“Hey, Mr. Valens,” you said when he came into the reception area about twenty minutes after you’d left the house with Sam.

“Y/N! Everything alright? You’re not in trouble are you?” he asked, giving Sam a look. “You look familiar.”

“I work on opposing counsel for the Druman case,” he said.

“You’re that son of a bitch that got a delay. That was good work,” he said. “A friend of Y/N’s is always welcome although I have to ask what exactly is going on that you’re here after seven?”

“Mr. Valens this is Sam Winchester. His brother Dean is my boyfriend. They knew my dad years back. He might have kept a file on them and I was wondering if you might have it since I know you took over my dad’s stuff?”

“Well I can’t allow you to go looking through the file cabinets and certainly not a lawyer from a rival firm,” he said. You frowned and he smiled. “Sam, you wouldn’t mind waiting out here. I’m sure you understand considering our prep is going on right now.”

“Of course. I’ll hang here,” he said. You walked through a set of doors into some offices, walking down the familiar hall.

“You guys renovated,” you said.

“A few months back. We wanted a little more modern touch. Your dad’s idea actually. Finally got it going,” he said.

“He always had a thousand things going at once it seems,” you said. You walked into his office, Mr. Valens going to a file cabinet in the corner. He dug around in the bottom drawer and pulled out a folder.

“Winchester boys. I’m guessing this is them,” he said. He took a seat at his desk and opened it up, lifting his head after a minute. “Y/N. Why do you want this file?”

“Mr. Valens. Let me have it,” you said. “Please.”

“There’s a reason your father never escalated this to law enforcement,” he said, shutting the file. “What are you involved in?”

“Mr. Valens. You were my dad’s partner and best friend and Tessa and I haven’t heard from you since two weeks after the funeral. You helped me get access to our trust but you left. We needed help. I needed help. You’re a lawyer. You could have made life so much easier. But you wouldn’t pick up the phone. The least you can do is give me that file.”

“You weren’t a child when they died, Y/N.”

“It doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated. It doesn’t mean I was ready to change my whole life to become a mom to my sister, my very hurt baby sister. I just needed a little bit of help with paperwork and you couldn’t even do that for your best friend’s kids. I want that file, Mr. Valens.”

“You should stay away from those boys,” he said, handing it over to you.

“Why?”

“Their father is an ex-cop. Why do you think your father never escalated it? He needed hard evidence to make that kind of accusation,” he said.

“Can you help them?”

“Y/N, why are you digging around in the past.”

“He came to our house and hurt Dean tonight.” He shut his eyes and ran his hand over his face. “I’m tired of people I care about getting hurt. Is there anything we can do to get them to leave us alone?”

“I’m sorry but unless he does something and you report it, I can’t do anything without hard evidence.”

“I have a recording of him beating up Dean.”

“He could very easily walk on that charge. My suggestion would be to get you and Tessa out of that house and away from those two for good.”

“You’re a dick,” you said as you rolled your eyes. You started to leave and went past a conference room, wide eyed when you saw John Winchester walking out with another lawyer. “What are you doing here?”

“None of your business,” he said. Mr. Valens cleared his throat and pulled you back into his office, shutting the door behind him.

“He’s right next door and you don’t care to mention that?”

“He’s a client for another lawyer.”

“No, I was stupid to come here was all. You don’t care about anyone or anything except money. You’ll work with a guy like that and let him keep hurting his kids as long as you get paid. I’m glad my father didn’t have to see you for who you really are.”

“Do not put words in my mouth,” he said, staring you down. “I said he is a client. Plenty of people need lawyers, including bad ones. I did not say I knew about his past with his sons. I do not condone that and that is exactly the kind of person I enjoy putting in prison. As a lawyer, I’m telling you that you either need very, very hard evidence of something he can’t get out of or you need to not antagonize him and hope he stays away. As someone who has watched you grow up, get you and your sister away from those Winchester boys. You do not know what he will do and that is dangerous.”

“Dean’s in danger. Sam’s in danger. Tessa and I aren’t leaving them.”

“You need to think of your sister, not your boyfriend.”

“She loves them like they’re her big brothers. She is happy, the happiest I’ve seen her since the accident. We’re not walking away from our family. We’ll figure this out ourselves.”

You went to leave when he caught your arm.

“I’ll do some digging. He’s no longer a cop but if he did something dirty, it might be enough.”

“Thank you.”

“Be careful, Y/N.”

You left and walked down the hall, John waiting by the doors out to the lobby.

“You Sammy’s girlfriend?” he asked.

“Dean’s,” you said.

“Your boyfriend going to keep up our arrangement?”

“Why don’t you just leave them alone,” you said.

“I do.”

“Tell that to Dean’s face.”

“He understands that the arrangement-”

“You got nothing on him and we all know it. We will let the past stay in the past as long as you never come near them again. I’m friends with the senior partner here so if you want to try something, I have a very good lawyer waiting in the wings.”

“To tell you the truth,” he said, leaning down to your ear. “It was never about the money. Sure it was nice but I mean he’s so pathetic he never even realized there was no proof. That’s what I get for letting him spend all that time at his uncle’s place. You do realize you’re dating a dumbass don’t you?”

“If it’s not about the money then why did you go to our house?”

“You saw the look on his face,” he smirked. “Fancy ass doctor is nothing more than a little bitch that-”

“Fuck you,” you said, slapping him in the face. You went to leave when you felt a shove from behind. You turned and glared, catching Mr. Valens coming down the hall.

“What the fuck is going on here?” said Mr. Valens.

“She tripped,” said John.

“Oh well now you’re officially on the top of my shit list,” he said, walking over and getting in John’s face.

“Exciting,” said John. “I bet that’ll work out well.”

“Y/N, leave,” he said. You ducked out the door, Sam sprawled out on the couch.

“How’d it-”

“Let’s go. Now,” you said, both of you turning when you heard the doors open.

“Sammy,” said John, Sam swallowing as he stood up. John glanced over at you and smirked. “You know Dean’s been paying me for years to-”

“Go fuck yourself. With a cactus,” said Sam. John smiled and cocked his head.

“You Sam, you always had that fight in you Dean didn’t. I didn’t have to toughen you up. It was just there already. I’m just sorry to have to be the one to tell you that Dean...he doesn’t really love you. He only took you because he couldn’t stand the thought of being alone. I mean he abandoned you. You remember when you called us to help you out cause Dean was too busy partying at school? You remember who took care of you?”

“Sam. He’s just trying to fuck with you.”

“Dean’s human. He’s allowed to have fun and I called you as a last resort. I would not do it again,” said Sam.

“Funny. I don’t recall ever once laying a hand on you. I mean did you ever see me ever put a hand on Dean?”

“You were such a dick. Just because I didn’t see it doesn’t-”

“You know he got bullied right? Blamed me for that. Blamed us for all of his little problems. Then he took you. I can’t forgive him for that. But you had no choice and who knows what lies he’s been filling your head with for years.”

“Sam.”

“And this one. Dean her knight in shining armor? She’s just using him and you know it. For all you know she did that to him. Go back to your old city Sammy. Get out from under his thumb. It’s what’d I’d do.”

He left the building and you put your hands on your hips, Sam giving you a glance.

“Do not look at me like that,” you said. “I watched him beat up your brother tonight.”

“You did almost hit that yoga woman.”

“Because she hurt Dean,” you said quietly. “Your dad literally just shoved me in there. He knows he’s got nothing left except getting you to hurt Dean too. He’s so controlling Sam. That’s all he wants to do is control the two of you and making you fight means he wins.”

“Dean gives you everything,” said Sam.

“I love him.” He seemed to stop whatever he was about to say and you looked down. “And I love you too and I didn’t want to love anyone ever again so that’s a really big deal for me. He makes me happy Sam. I’d never hurt him. He’s my best friend. He’s your best friend too and he has gone to hell and back for you since he was a child. Please don’t listen to John. Believe your brother.”

“Dean used to say to me that he got wailed on but I got the manipulation worse. I think he had that pretty spot on,” said Sam, closing his eyes. “You love Dean?”

“I haven’t exactly told him yet,” you said with a shrug.

“Pretty sure the dork knows,” said Sam. “Just like you do.”

“I hope so. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Let’s head home.”

“Do you believe him?” you asked.

“You know every morning, every morning, you make Dean a cup of coffee and you either put it in his thermos or a cup for him. Every morning you do that.”

“So?”

“You wash out his thermos every night because you know it’s his favorite. On the weekend you put it in his blue mug and have it ready for him along with a cheese danish that you picked up the morning before on the way to work. That’s just one thing. You care about him and he lets you take care of him and Dean doesn’t do that. I’ll always pick my real family over my parents any day. I’m never gonna turn my back on my brother.”

“Thank you,” you said.

“Did you make any headway, on anything?”

“The partner is gonna look into him but hopefully he just stays away from now on knowing he’s got nothing left to hold over you guys.”

“I hope so too.”

Dean’s POV

“Tessa, I’m fine,” said Dean, wincing as she put a fresh cold ice pack on his ribs.

“I guess it’s true. Doctors are the worst patients,” she said. She hopped up when the doorbell rang and Dean sat up. “It’s just the delivery guy.”

“Tessa I can-” said Dean before he ran off. Dean sighed, Tessa coming back a few minutes later with some styrofoam containers. “You need to be more careful.”

“You think your dad is gonna punch me? A high school girl?” she said.

“I don’t like testing that theory.” Dean scooted back against the headboard, Tessa handing him some utensils and one of the containers. She sat on the other side with hers, watching the TV and eating up some pieces of chicken. “Tessa.”

“Hm?” she hummed.

“If you want to go over to Jack’s that’s okay,” he said. “I didn’t mean to ruin your date.”

“I think my sister put me in charge of you. Jack’s cool with it. We’ll hang out tomorrow,” she said, eating more of her food.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m not the one that got punched in the face.”

“Still. Things can be triggering,” he said.

“I don’t get why you didn’t hit back I guess. I would have.”

“I’ve spent most of my life afraid of my dad. I still am a bit unfortunately.”

“Well you’re obviously not like him. At all,” she said. Dean smiled and started to eat, Toast licking his toes every so often. “He knows you’re hurt. He does that when he wants you to feel better.”

“Animals are very intuitive like that,” said Dean. It was quiet for a few minutes as they ate, Tessa shifting in her spot eventually.

“Dean.”

“Yeah?” he asked, mouthful of macaroni.

“Do you love my sister?” she asked. Dean swallowed and set his food down in his lap, smiling at it.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Why not tell her then?”

“I think she knows just like I think I know that she loves me. I think we’ve both been through so much already that it’s not always in the words how to say you love someone. Actions, those are as important, more important in a way. Your sister is kind and good to me in a way I never thought I’d have. I love her very, very much. I love you too.”

“She smiles again,” said Tessa. “She’s a better person around you.”

“She was always a good person. She just needed some else to lean on for a moment. That’s what a relationship is. It’s why she’s pissed as hell right now and standing up to someone I couldn’t.”

“I know you took Sam away from your parents. That was badass too,” she said.

“Maybe.”

“Are you gonna marry her?” she asked.

“Also a maybe.”

“Do you want to?”

“Would you be okay with that?”

“Yeah. Are you asking like my permission or something?”

“Well, I’d still ask no matter what you say but I’d like to think you’d be alright with it.”

“I’m confused.”

“I’m not asking right now...but maybe hypothetically I will ask in the future.”

“Oh,” she said with a nod. “I got you. When you’re done being shy be sure to let me know.”

“You’re a little shit, you know that?” asked Dean with a laugh.

“It’s one of my best qualities,” she said.

“Sure it is,” he said as he reached over and ruffled her hair.

“Dean?” she asked when he picked up his food again. “I know she’d say yes, whenever you do decide to do it.”

“I said maybe I recall.”

“Maybe it’s not always in the words but the actions,” she said, smirking at him.

“Got me there,” he said. “Let’s not tell Y/N about this though. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Reader’s POV

Three Days Later

“Hey, Dean,” you said as he stirred awake beside you. He smiled and snuggled into your side, covers tucked up under his chin. “Sleep good?”

“Yeah. Better,” he said. You carded your fingers through his hair and he slowly opened his eyes, sleepily watching you. “I don’t think he’ll try anything. It’s been a few days and it’s been quiet.”

“Me either. Like Sam said, he’s an asshole but he’s not nuts,” you said.

“No, he’s not. But I do wonder sometimes...about my mom.”

“You don’t talk about her much,” you said. You started twirling short strands and he started to wake up more but didn’t move around.

“I just...I don’t know if he broke her down after years and that’s why she is the way she is or if she genuinely doesn’t like us,” said Dean. “I don’t know whether to feel sorry for her or not.”

“Well...I think there’s a difference between her failing to protect you and her actively hurting you. Only you and Sam would know what really happened there.”

“Going off of that logic she’s not a good person,” said Dean. “Our grandpa wasn’t so it makes sense in a way. I don’t understand why they hated Sam and me so much though.”

“I don’t understand how anyone could ever not want you either.” He smiled and you bent down, kissing his cheek and then his lips, Dean humming when you moved back.

“Well, I got more than enough people that want me in my life now,” he said. He reached up and kissed you as you sunk back down in bed. He put his hand on the back of your neck and you grabbed his hip, Dean smirking beside you. He was starting to breath a little harder, pants filling the air, when you heard the door creak open.

“Guess who made...seriously,” said Tessa. You both turned and saw her with a tray and some food on top.

“Your sister’s hot, Tessa,” chuckled Dean. You smacked his chest lightly as you both sat up, Tessa setting the tray down on the end of the bed.

“Might want to knock from now on before you get a view of something mentally scaring,” you said.

“I’ll remember that,” she said. She turned to go when Dean tsked her. “Guys. Have morning sex or whatever you were doing.”

“A little kissing never hurt anyone,” you said, picking up a cinnamon roll from the plate. “This looks yummy.”

“What’s the occasion, Tess?” asked Dean, grabbing one himself without a wince, his ribs looking a lot better.

“I figured I could make breakfast,” she shrugged.

“As a doctor, this isn’t the healthiest thing I’d consider for breakfast. As myself, excellent choice,” said Dean. She started to go and he chuckled. “Tessa. Thank you very much.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, Toast trotting in and hopping up on the bed. “No Toast. Your food’s downstairs.”

“While I got you girls both here, I was wondering what you guys would like to do for Christmas?” he asked. “It’s only a little over a week away.”

“Oh,” she said before she looked at you. Dean raised an eyebrow and you shrugged.

“Well don’t everyone be too over excited,” he said with a chuckle. “Come on, anything in the world, what do you guys want to do?”

“Y/N not have to work,” mumbled Tessa.

“I know for a fact she won’t. I also know for a fact that our offices will be closed aside from the doctor that always works that week anyways. All of our lab work goes out that week so a certain someone is going to have her first week off in a few years,” said Dean.

“Wait I get the whole week off?” you asked.

“Yup. We all do and it doesn’t count against vacation. It’s something that’s always been done as a treat to the employees. So. Everybody’s got the week off, even Sammy. I say us and Toast all go do something really fun.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“Well...would you guys be interested in going up north a bit to South Dakota? The past few years our friends all chip in to rent a big house and we celebrate up there. There’s snowboarding, skiing, a resort spa nearby. What do you guys think?”

“Can we afford that?” Tessa asked you.

“Yes we can and I think it sounds great,” you said. “You guys wanna go?”

“We can even get Toast a little jacket so he doesn’t get cold,” said Dean. “Jack will be there…”

“Shut up,” she said, pushing on his shoulder. “It sounds alright.”

“Just alright?” he teased. She rolled her eyes and got up, spinning back around and giving him a hug.

“Thanks,” she whispered.

“For what?” he asked quietly.

“I was starting to hate Christmas was all,” she said. He chuckled and reached over to his nightstand, taking out his wallet. He took out a few hundred and handed it over. “Uh, what’s this for?”

“Why don’t you go get yourself some winter boots and snowpants. My treat.”

“Dean.”

“You don’t have any and you need it for the trip. Besides, Y/N’s going with you after we finish making out,” he said with a wink.

“You’re so gross,” she said. She hugged him again and he plopped back in bed, stretching out wide as she left.

“Dean. I know what you got her for Christmas,” you said. “You can’t give her money all the time.”

“Boots and pants and lunch for the both of you is gonna be a few hundred. Have a girls day. I have my own shopping to do for you anyways,” he said as you lay back.

“Dean I have a good job now. I can pay for those things.”

“Y/N. I make an assload. A day of you two going and having fun like sisters do is more than worth two hundred dollars to me,” he said. “This guy did it for me and Sam once. I’m actually just paying it back so really you can’t say no.”

“Fine,” you sighed. “But after we makeout.”

“Oh you’re not getting out of this bed without that happening,” he chuckled.

_______

A/N: Read the Final Part here!

#supernatural #spn #dean x reader #doctor!dean #au!dean x reader #dean winchester #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #spn reader insert #supernatural reader insert #dean #winchester #dean spn #doctor!dean x reader

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give-her-hell-from-us-pevees · 5 years ago

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Hey!!!! Can you write a imagine Chicago Pd and fire. Where the reader and gabby are best friends but she has feelings for Antonio and it's afraid to make a move because she doesn't wanna ruin her friendship? I hope you can understand hahaha English is not my first language 😅 Thank you so much!!!!

Drink A.D (Drabble)

Hope this is okay!!

When Gabby finally became a firefighter at 61, you were able to get your P.I.C certification. With the two of you being promoted and changing positions, it meant a new partner for you. Your new partner, Jackson, was fresh out of Paramedic school. He wasn’t a terrible a partner, he was great at his job but you still needed to teach him a few things.

You and Jackson were currently rushing a g.s victim to Chicago Med. Jackson was driving while you were back doing whatever you could to keep this little girl alive. Before you knew it, Jackson got to Med, and opened doors and you were met with the ER doctors.

“9 year old female, G.S.Ws to the abdomen and thigh. Possible damage to the femoral artery ,“ You said,

You and the doctors rushed her into the E.R. Once she was transferred from the gurney to the bed, your job was done. Just in time too, since a certain detective walked through the E.R door. “Hey, Jackson?” you said

“ Yea Y/L/N?” he asked

“Why don’t you grab some supplies and I’ll fill out the paperwork?”

He nodded his head and went to ask a nurse for some help. While you grabbed a clip board and filled out the paperwork for the little girl. You tried to keep your head down and focus at the task at hand but that failed when a familiar voice called your name.

“Hi Antonio. How are you?.” you ask him. You look up from your clip board and see Antonio Dawson standing there wearing his black leather jacket. You moved the clipboard against your chest “I’m good,thanks fro asking. Did you just bring in the g.s.w sweetheart?” he asked

You tired to ignore the way you felt after he called you sweetheart. “Yea I did. Abdomen and another one right in the femoral. She lost a lot of blood Toni. To be honest, if she makes it it will be a miracle. Her mom and older brother are on their way. They went and got their dad. Should be here soon.” You tell him.

Antonio nods his head and placed a hand hand on your shoulder “Alright, Thanks Y/N”

You smile and and tried to get back to your work but he was still standing there staring at you. Looking down at the paper you ask him, “Is there anything else you want to ask?’

“Yea there is actually.” he said. “When this case over, how about I buy you a drink?”

Your eyes went wide and you dropped your pen in shock. “You want to what now?”

Antonio laughed, picked up your pen and handed it to you. “I asked, if I could buy you a drink sometime.”

“I uh-” Your radio cut you off, you saved by the bell.

“Ambulance 61, Engine 51, Squad 3. Multiple car pile-”

“Go saves some lives Y/L/N, say hi to my sister for me” he said smiling. “I’ll see you at Molly’s on Thursday.”

----------

A few days after the hospital incident, You were sitting in lounge of the the fire house with Herman. You were at the table reading the newspaper. You were reading a story on the family of the little girl you worked on, she had passed away the night before. I could I have done more You thought. I should have paid more attention to her leg.

Your thoughts were interrupted when hand collided into the back of your head. “Ow!” you yelled. You turned around and saw it was Gabby “What the hell was that for?”

She grabbed your hand and pulled you from your chair, “Come on we need to talk.” Without another word, you got up and followed her. Gabby lead you to the correr of the laundry room. Gabby put her hands on her hips, “Antonio told me he asked you out.”

Oh fuck

“Well-”

“And he thinks you said no.”

“I didn’t really get a chance to say n-”

“I thought you had a thing for him?” She said “I told him to ask you out! He likes you!”

You opened and closed your mouth multiple times trying to form any words. “Wait what?” you said. “How did you know-”

Gabby actually laughed at you. “Y/N it’s obvious. Everytime Antonio comes here and if you see him you always stare and stutter. You blush every time he makes eye contact with you! And for a month now Antonio has been asking about you nonstop. Why didn’t you say anything?”

You looked down at the ground and pushed your hair behind your ear. “Okay yea I do like Antonio. But Gabby he’s your brother and you are my partner, well ex partner and my best friend. I didn’t want ruin our friendship so I just kept quiet.”

Gabby placed a hand on your shoulder and said, “Y/N I’m not mad. I’ve seen the way you look at each other, it’s obvious. Antonio is a good guy, I would encourage him to ask you out if I didn’t think he’s treat you right. Besides, you are both adults so if it does end you deal if it.”

-----

It was now Thursday now and you were sat at bar at Molly’s talking to Otis. The two of you were in the middle of talking about some nerdy books that the two of read growing up when Hermann came over to you.”Here you go Y/N,” he said placing a beer in front of you. “Hermann I didn’t order anything.”

“I know you didn’t,” he said. “It’s from some random guy at the end of the bar.”

You couldn’t hide the confusion on your face. You looked at Hermann and than down at bar the top. When your eyes eached the other end of the bar, you saw none other than Antonio Dawson. You glance back at Hermann and saw him and Otis smiling, “Thank you Hermann.” You looked back to where you saw Antonio was sitting and he was gone. He had gotten up and and made his way over to you. “Hey sweetheart” Antonio said leaning against the bar.

“Hi Antonio” You say smiling. Ever since your talk with Gabby you felt more confident with Antonio. “Thank you for the drink, I needed it after this week” you said as you picked the bottle up and took a sip of it.

“I’m sorry about the little girl. Gabby told me you were taking it pretty hard.”

God damn it Gabby. “I keep thinking there was more I could do. I mean she was 9 Toni. She had so much life left to live.” Antonio sat down on the chair next to you and grabbed your hand.

“You did everything you could. I know it’s hard, but you can’t dwell on it. We got the guy and hes going to state for a while.”

You turn your hand so you could intertwine your fingers with his. “Is that the only thing Gabby told you?” you asked trying to give the boy a hint.

“Why what did she tell you?” he asked smiling picking up on your hint.

“I heard that you had a thing for a certain Y/H/C and Y/E/C P.I.C .”

“Thats funny. I heard you had a thing for a certain latino detective.”

You laughed as you took another swing of your drink, while your other hand was still locked with Antonio’s.

“ So Antonio, are you going to properly ask me out? Or do I need to ask you?”

Antonio’s smile turned into a smirk as he looked you up and down. “I was thinking of making arroz con pollo tomorrow night. Why don’t you come and join me?”

“I would love that,” you said. You got up from your chair and kissed Antonio on his cheek “I’ll bring the wine. I’ll see you then.” You walked away from Antonio and said good night to Hermann and Otis. The entire time Antonio watched you leave from his bar stool.

Hermann walked over to Antonio, “Well it’s about damn time.”

Antonio raised his drink, “I’ll drink to that.”

REQUEST OPEN

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aobawilliams · 4 years ago

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First Line Tag Game!!

I was tagged by @idontonlytalkaboutdcmk

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

I’ll try to go from more recent to older (date of the creation of the doc will be written in MM/YYYY format), but this might not correspond to the time the sentence was actually written. (I might have missed some stuff but, oh well, whatever.)

1- (04/2021) Aizawa meets Izuku AU (MHA, OS in progress)

It was luck that brought Shouta here.

2- (03/2021) Vigilante Yagi AU (MHA, in-progress, either a long-fic or a serie of OS)

All Might has been a hero longer than he has ever been Yagi Toshinori.

3- (02/2021) Dad For All AU (MHA, various blurb on tumblr so far, most likely a longfic)

Izuku was trying really hard not to panic. One second he was fighting a villain with a still unknown quirk, the next he found himself __ years in the past, according to the news report currently going on TV.

4- (02/2021) Midoriya Inko’s Guide To Good Parenthood (MHA, in progress, probably a serie of OS?)

Midoriya Inko isn’t anything special. She's 30 going on 52, has a really bad case of anxiety, can and will cry for any reasons, and has gotten so many grey hair from her son's shenanigans its a wonder she still has green hair.

5- (12/2020) The Kids Will Be Alright (DCMK, spin-off of Sharpen Your Knives)

Ran was running. Fast, fast, faster, not fast enough. She put all her strength in her legs, went as fast as she could.

6- (11/2020) Before the coffee gets cold - The Sisters (DCMK, OS published on AO3)

It was probably foolish of her to come back to this place. But, on the off chance that the rumours were true, she wanted to give it a chance.

7- (11/2020) Sharpen Your Knives (DCMK, in-progress longfic, won’t be published for a long while)

Shinichi has no idea how things could have gone so wrong, so quickly.

8- (08/2020) The Time Travel Road Trip Case (DCMK, spin-off of Who The F- Is This) (technically not the first lines, but it’s the first part I’ve written)

Shinichi(Conan) felt someone lift him up from the back, he turned his face as he came level with their chest, one look at their face and…

Well, guess he found KID.

9- (06/2020) Who The F- Is This (DCMK, longfic in progress, the first chapters are on AO3)

Shinichi’s head was throbbing. He felt like someone was playing drums with his head. What has happened?

10- (06/2020) Harrinichi Kupotter (DCMK & Harry Potter x-over, longfic in progress)

Shinichi doesn't really believe in superior beings, gods or the supernatural. So far everything in his life could be explained by science and very human tricks.

11- (03/2019) Naobuza & Raphtaku AU (The Rising of the Shield Hero & Naruto x-over, an old baby I keep coming back to)

If you were to ask anyone to tell you about Naofumi Iwatani, those who remember him would tell you that he’s a weird kid. There’s something otherwordly about him, as if he was evolving in a totally different universe from them.

12- (01/2019) The self-indulgent FMA TT au (FMA, an old project that I should go back to, someday)

Somehow, sometimes, Ed felt like there was some being out there, out for him.

13- (01/2019) Nanadaime time travel AU (Naruto, will most likely be an OS, one day I will finish it enough to post it on AO3)

It was a late night In the Hokage office, one of many. As was usual by now, the Hokage was filling paperwork at his desk, his right-hand-man filling his own number of files at his side.

14- (11/2018) Baby Ed saving the world with hugs and punches (FMA, an old project that I will go back to)

On a warm night during the summer of 2005, as the sun left it’s place for the shining stars, Edward Elric went to sleep for the last time besides his lovely wife, in the house he has rebuilt with his own two hands.

15- (06/2018) The roadtrip 03Ed never knew he needed (FMA03/CoS & Fantastic Beasts and where to find them x-over, a serie of OS)

He wasnt sure what brought him back here.

Maybe he just wanted to make sure Envy was dead, one monster less in this world. Or maybe he just wanted to make sure there was no way between both world (no way to go home.)

16- (04/2018) Badass Women Roleswap AU (FMA, I still sometime go back to it, will most likely be a serie of OS)

Ed didn’t have many memories of his father. He could remember a tall man, who always looked sad. A giant who always had trouble when it came to holding him and his brother. A figure always working in his study. A person who always looked sad when teaching them alchemy.

17- (03/2018) FMA TT fic I wasnt planning to expend (FMA, old project, I will get back to it.) (it is, also, the first fanfic idea I got when I got back into writing fics)

Nothing happened as it should have been. No matter everything they’ve done to try and stop him, the dwarf in the flask still managed to bypass it all and, in some way, reach his goal.

And that’s pretty much it for any written stuff I got (anything else is too old)

Bonus: A la recherche du canard (Looking for the duck) - it’s an old assignment I had for french class, where we had to pick an article and write a short story based on it. (When I say old, I mean it’s from 2012 - it’s a good way to see how far I’ve come). It’s honestly really bad but I did have a lot of fun back then. (This is a translated from french version btw) (yes I stole names from Hetalia I was always terrible at finding names for characters)

The sun shined upon the sleeping man face, who opened his bright blue eyes. He got up suddenly, throwing his blanket on the ground. Today would be the day where he, Alfred F. Jones, Yorkville police officer, would accomplish his mission: keeping an eye on the annual fair set-up.

So, observations: You can very clearly see me go through various fandom phases it’s funny. Also my naming skills for the AUs got slightly better (but not that much.) I do tend to drop a name (usually the person from whom the POV is) in those first sentences. The first paragraph tend to get shorter with time (which might simply be because I realised I tend to lose focus when it gets too long.) I also never start on dialogue, generally I go for the POV’s thought uh.

I do quite like the ones for the Vigilante Yagi AU and the Midoriya Inko’s guide, The Kids Will Be Alright too. Badass Women I like it but also am not 100% happy with it.

This mostly made me want to share even more about these stories to y’all.

Anyway! Tagging @whoever wants to do it! I’m not sure whom I follow has already done it/been tagged or not, uuuuhhh, maybe @artistfingers ? If you’re a writer and wants to do it then go for it and tag me I guess.

#cro shouts into the void #tag game #i accidentally lost the first draft and had to do it again and I Am Not Mad #(it's a lie i am a little bit mad)#also if you want to know more about any of those please send me an ask

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hockeylvr59 · 5 years ago

Text

Proving Your Worth Part 9 || Jonathan Toews

Requested: [ ] yes [ ] no [x] sorta

Authors Note: Well this is another thing that took me forever because I wasn’t quite sure where to take it. It’s kind of another transition chapter but there’s some cute relationship content in it as well. Hopefully, you enjoy it. Gif credit to jokiiharju.

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2,075

~~~~~~~~~

Thanksgiving at home had been something you’d been looking forward to. Because your mom worked retail, she had to work until 2pm meaning that you would just spend the morning with your sisters watching the parade before heading to a family friend’s house for dinner and board games while football played in the background. This had been your family’s routine for quite a few years and it was one you enjoyed tremendously.

Having woken up with a severe bout of morning sickness was not how you’d wanted to start your day. You didn’t exactly want to deal with all of the questions of why you were vomiting because you still hadn’t told your family that you had gone through with artificial insemination and were expecting. Thankfully your mom had already left for work and only your dad and sisters were home and all three of them were still asleep upstairs as you knelt over the downstairs toilet. You knew you needed to tell them but it was something that was better done in person and you hadn’t wanted to get into it after arriving home the night before.

Thankfully, after grabbing some crackers from a cabinet in the kitchen your stomach settled and by the time the rest of the house awoke, you were feeling fine once more. The beginning of the parade with the Broadway performances was always the best part for you and your sisters and the three of you chatted while watching, pausing to make brunch partway through and then fast-forwarding through the commercials.

It wasn’t until the parade was over that any of you made the effort to get dressed, and since this was never a super formal affair, you slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweater, pulling your hair back and doing a bare minimum makeup job. It wasn’t like you were trying to impress anyone, and now that things between you and Jon were serious and committed...you felt even more confident just being yourself. You had been surprised to find that buttoning your jeans had been harder than usual but since you didn’t have a mirror, you didn’t notice that almost overnight your stomach had started to pudge out just a little, the next physical sign that there really was a baby growing inside of you.

With the Hawks in Florida for Thanksgiving, you were expecting a call from Jon at some point but it hadn’t arrived by the time you left the house headed 20 minutes north.

Dinner was delicious and the company had you laughing hysterically within minutes of arriving. Your family friends had lived in Chicago for a number of years so you enjoyed talking about all of the things you got to see while living there including all of the home hawks games, your job making their sons jealous. It was while you were talking about the hawks season that your phone buzzed and pulling it out of your back pocket you immediately couldn’t help but smile seeing that Jon had sent you a text. Opening it you were surprised to find that attached was a video...that was new...and after excusing yourself for a moment, you slipped into the next room to play it.

Jon’s smiling face filled your screen and you watched as he wished you a happy thanksgiving before suddenly the screen was being jostled and you could see the rest of the team sitting around a long table with mounds of food on it all yelling at you with the same well wishes. It was cute and made you smile to know that since he knew you were busy that instead of calling he just decided to make you feel a little bit included into his own holiday. By the time you had finished watching the clip, another text had come through asking if the two of you could talk later that night because he missed you. Your heart fluttered and you knew that you were in so deep, but for some reason, now you weren’t scared of that feeling.

When you returned to the living room, you found a room full of people figuring out how to cast photos from their iPhones to the new tv your friends had recently gotten. You debated for a moment about the thought that had popped into your head and after a moment you decided that it certainly couldn’t hurt.

“Let me try. I just got a cute video you guys should see.” You declared, quickly following the directions that had been discussed as you were walking into the room. After a moment the paused text message video popped up on the screen. There wasn’t anything in it that would signal anything more than friends and coworkers so you didn’t think Jon would mind if you shared it. Pressing play you watched the video once more, smiling to yourself at the rambunctious group of men that you were becoming closer and closer to through your relationship with Jon.

When it finished, half of the room was staring at you and you quirked a brow in confusion. “What....you think I don’t know the guys?” You declared playing it off. “They’re in Florida having a team thanksgiving and decided to share.” Though that video itself wasn’t likely to end up on social media you were sure one like it would since at least some of the younger guys had active social media accounts.

The youngest of the boys shook his head after a minute. “Wait...you don’t just work for the Hawks, you interact with the players?” He questioned causing you to laugh.

“Yeah...I mean I deal with their paperwork at the beginning of the season and it’s not like I don’t run into them in the halls. I’ve talked with some of them before, been invited to a night out drinking.”

“That’s so cool.” He stated amazed. You could tell that he was about to start asking a million questions that you really didn’t want to answer if you didn’t cut him off.

“I’ll just tell you that they’re all pretty funny guys and they have some great stories to share but I’m not about to go breaking their trust by saying anything more than that.”

Thankfully the subject was quickly changed and before long you were all surrounding the table once more with another silly board game in the middle.

The rest of the evening passed quickly and it wasn’t long before you had headed home. With your mom having to work early the next morning she headed to bed and your dad and sisters decided to hit some of the sales to do some Christmas shopping. They’d invited you to join but you were aching to talk to Jon and so you declined, instead deciding to enjoy the beautiful night, grabbing a blanket and heading outside to make a small fire in the fire pit.

With that going you curled up on the outdoor loveseat and texted to see if Jon was available to talk. Not even a minute later your phone was ringing and an easy smile slipped onto your face as you answered.

“Hey, handsome.” You breathed, your smile growing as you heard him hum in response through the telephone.

“Hey.” He whispered back and you could hear the fatigue in his voice.

“How’s Florida? You sound tired. If you want to go to bed I won’t be mad, I know it’s late.” You stated, quickly being cut off with the assurance that he wanted to talk to you.

“Florida is good. Warm.” He declared. “Call me crazy but I can’t wait to get back to Chicago on Saturday night.”

“You might be a little crazy.” You teased. “But trust me, as much as I love home I can’t wait to get back to Chicago too...I miss you.”

“Miss you too gorgeous.” He murmured. When he spoke again his voice had dropped in volume. “Miss baby too.” He added. “How’s little one doing?”

“I mean besides still making me sick they’re great.” You assured him, loving that you had reached a point where the air was finally clear between the two of you considering the slightly odd circumstances of it all.

For a few minutes, the two of you just talked about random things, Jon telling you stories about the boys and you telling him about the “green dumpster monster” in one of the games you’d played. When the laughter died down, Jon went silent for a minute before speaking hesitantly.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked. Ignoring the fact that he just had you assured him that of course, he could. “Do you wanna invite your family to Chicago for Christmas? Maybe these family friends you’re close to too since they’re from the area.” Before you could even respond he continued. “Just hear me out...I was thinking...we’re on the road before and after Christmas so my parents and David are gonna come to Chicago...I thought maybe if everyone was in Chicago we could do our mornings in individual groups and then have everyone over for dinner.”

There were so many overwhelming things with that question. First, your apartment was not big enough to hold your entire family. You were already aware you needed to find someplace larger before the baby arrived. Two, he wanted your parents to meet his parents. That was...that was really serious, especially because the two of you would have only been official for a month by Christmas. Hearing your silence, Jon backpedaled. “It’s okay if that’s too much I just. I want to spend Christmas with you. And with the baby, I figured...well I figured that yeah our families should meet sooner rather than later.” Thinking about it still, you bit your lip because it was a lot but he was right.

“No...Jon...you have a point. You just took me off guard.” You admitted. “I just...my apartment isn’t big enough for my family and while you’re right about the second part, that’s just...it’s a little overwhelming.”

“I know it is,” Jon assured you. “But if it’s something you want I’d be happy to get your family a hotel room and don’t even try and talk me out of that. I...I just want you to know how serious I am about this...about you and with my career family can be hard and I don’t want to let an opportunity pass by because of fear. Little one deserves all of the good things. So do you.”

With everything Jonathan was doing for you, it was hard to tell him that you wouldn’t do something that clearly meant so much to him.

“Okay. I’ll talk to my parents.” You declared. “But are you sure about adding even more people to the mix?” You prodded knowing that while his place was large, that would be a lot of people to entertain when he was only getting back into town the early morning hours of Christmas Eve. His response was immediate though.

“Of course I am. If they’re important to you, they’re important to me and if they’d be interested in being in the area anyway I see no reason not to add a few more to dinner. We’ll have a chef of course.” He elaborated, quickly clearing the air that he had no plans on cooking.

“Okay.” You simply murmured, a yawn slipping from your throat.

“Okay.” He echoed, and you could practically hear his smile through the phone. “I’ll let you get some sleep.” He breathed after a moment having heard your yawn. “But hey...come over when you get back to Chicago?” He requested.

“I’d like nothing more.” You agreed, promising to do just that. After saying goodnight you hung up the phone and after adjusting the dying fire so that it was extinguished, you headed inside and to the couch to sleep, thoughts of how to tell your parents about the baby and ask them about Christmas filling your head.

Three days later you were snuggled up on the couch in Jon’s arms having told your family about your little one and having inquired about Christmas in Chicago. Your mom agreed to see if she could get off work and so though Christmas plans were pending, they were headed in a positive direction. Things were looking up, and it was all thanks to a certain brown-eyed man.

#jonathan toews imagine #jonathan toews #chicago blackhawks #chicago blackhawks imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #cblackhawks #008 #1k celly

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elisaphoenix13 · 5 years ago

Text

Family Isn't Always Blood

It was a good day. A Saturday. When the kids did pretty much whatever they wanted, within the usual rules of course. Most of the time, Peter and Harley spent the day on the couch, watching tv and throwing popcorn or other snacks into each other's mouths, which was exactly what they were doing now. Diana was with Cassie on a shopping trip with Tony's credit card, willingly handed over partially for the reason that they were dragging Quill with them. He told them to draw out the day as long as possible just to make the celestial miserable, and to send pictures of said misery.

Cassie had yet to disappoint.

"Wait wait wait!" Peter rolls off the couch, landing on the floor with a thud, and he scampers to his feet and over to the wall.

"Shoes off!" Stephen says from his meditative pose on the floor when Peter touches the wall.

Peter kicks off his shoes and crawls up the wall, and he moves across the ceiling until he's across from Harley again. The older teen grins and tosses popcorn up to him for another ten minutes until they get rambunctious and Harley was making Peter crawl all over the ceiling to catch popcorn. But because they were teenage boys, it ended with someone getting hurt. Sort of. Peter wasn't fast enough for a piece of popcorn, lunged for it, and effectively fell from the ceiling and onto the floor. He groans loudly and Stephen opens a single eye to make sure his youngest son isn't bleeding or dying. Once confirming Peter was okay, he closes his eye again and returns his focus to his meditation.

"Ugh! Mom! I'm dying!"

Harley tosses popcorn into his own mouth. "You've literally blown off medical attention when you've been shot. You only fell like ten feet from the ceiling."

"Mommy."

Stephen huffs through his nose and opens his eyes. "I'm telling Cassie you called me Mommy."

"I think I broke my everything." Peter whines.

"Everything but your vocal cords." Tony says as he walks into the living room while looking at his phone. "Speaking of Cassie, she sent me a picture of Quill. He fell asleep on one of those benches near the fitting rooms."

Harley cackles. "Dia and Cassie trying on clothes? He'll be there for days."

"Making Porcupine as miserable as possible gives me life." Tony says.

"You're just using the fact that Quill can't say no to the girls against him." Stephen points out and Tony grins.

"Of course I am. It would be stupid not to."

"Boss, there's someone down in the lobby looking for you." FRIDAY says and Tony looks at the video surveillance of the lobby on his phone.

"Who is it?"

"He claims to be Harley's father."

The silence that filled the floor was tense and if a pin dropped, they would have heard it. Tony was staring at the video feed on his phone with an indefinable expression, Peter stopped his fake whining to look up at his father, Harley simply froze and stared off into the distance...but Stephen? He was surprisingly the one who broke the silence. Angrily.

"How dare he." Stephen moves to his feet so fast, that Tony barely finished blinking. "What the hell possessed him to think he can walk back into Harley's life--"

"Honey...Mama Bear is hot but we're not even sure it really is him." Tony says as he rests his free hand on the sorcerer's waist.

Harley, on the other hand, quietly gets up from the couch and looks at Tony's phone, immediately drawing into himself when he does. "It's him."

"Patatino, just say the word and I'll have him thrown out on his ass. I think Happy is here. He'd be more than happy to do it personally." Tony turns off the video feed and looks through his contacts instead.

"I...I have questions." Harley whispers and the engineer nods.

The four of them take the elevator down to the lobby, but Tony tells Stephen and Peter to stay behind in the back while he and Harley approach the elder Keener. Mama Bear was not pleased and they left him prowling near the elevator and Peter. Tony wouldn't be surprised if he resorted to astral projecting to be able to stand in on the conversation, and if he didn't, Stephen would pounce the second Harley gave the slightest indication that he was uncomfortable.

"Mr. Keener." Tony says and ignores the hand held out to him. "What can I do for you?"

"I'll cut to the chase Stark. I'm here for Harley."

Tony chuckles dangerously. "Funny."

"I'm not joking. He needs to be with his real father...with a real family." The man growls out and Harley was actually the one to get into his face.

"Tony is my real dad. These people are my real family. You were the one who walked away! You left Mom, my sister, and me!" Harley snarls out.

"I thought it was best for you at the time! I couldn't take care of you the way you deserved-"

"BULLSHIT!"

"I can now though! I have a house, a good job, and you'll love my wife-"

Harley clenches his hands into fists and glares at his biological father.

"How dare you. You think you can come back into my life after over ten years and take me from a family that cares about me? You weren't there when Mom and my sister died in a fire. Tony and Stephen were. They're the ones that took me in when I had nowhere else to go! They're my real parents! I have a new mom and dad. I have a brother and sister! Aunts and uncles...I'm happy here. I'm not going anywhere with you."

"A man is not a mother. He's a freak."

Harley lashed out. He delivered an uppercut to his biological father's jaw and sent him sprawling to the floor, and stood above him with a glare.

"Don't talk about him like that. As far as I'm concerned, Tony and Stephen are my mom and dad. You're just a sperm donor."

The teen walks away and Tony recovers from his shock with a shake of his head to motion a couple of security guards over and ask them to escort the elder Keener off the premises. Tony follows Harley back to Stephen and Peter, and the four get back onto the elevator, riding it back up to their floor in silence as Harley stews in his anger and upset. As soon as the elevator stops and opens, Harley goes up to his room and leaves behind the other three who look at each other a little nervously before agreeing to give the older teen some space.

The floor was unnaturally quiet when Cassie, Diana, and Quill got home, and when Cassie brought Diana up, she immediately felt the tension in the air.

"Hey...let's go down to my room okay?" Cassie looks to Tony and Stephen for silent approval and they both nod and watch her take Diana back to the elevator.

Stephen silently started on dinner, Harley's favorite in the hopes that it would cheer him up, and Peter watched tv as Tony mindlessly went through emails. Tony hadn't really expected Harley's outburst or the punch, but he inwardly preened at what he had said. They were his family. Well, of course they were, but sometimes they wondered if he was really happy with them. Today erased all of their doubts and Bucky would have been proud of the blow Harley gave his father. In fact, Tony planned to show the entire team. One reason being because he was proud, and the second being that they would see the fruits of their training.

Their oldest child did eventually come out of hiding right before dinner was ready, and to their surprise, he went to Stephen first. Harley approached the sorcerer silently and looked at him with some uncertainty, but then threw himself into his mother's arms who reciprocated immediately.

"I want to be part of this family." Harley mumbles into the sorcerer's chest, and Stephen and Tony glance at each other in confusion.

"You are part of this family Cub."

"I mean for real." More confusion between Tony and Stephen. "You never adopted me, right?"

Oh.

No they didn't. They just had permanent guardianship over Harley because he wasn't ready to be adopted. They were okay with that and told him that if he changed his mind, to just say the word. It didn't mean they treated him any differently though. Harley was their son from the start, even if it took him time to warm up to Stephen. Now the boy called him Mom and came to him for things just like Peter did.

"If that's what you want." Stephen says quietly and brushes aside unruly brown hair.

Harley pulls away just enough to look up at him with red eyes. "I want you to want it too."

"Kiddo, you've always been our kid. Signing adoption papers would only be a formality at this point." Tony says as he slips next to the pair. "Like I said, just say the word."

"I want this."

Tony smiles. "I'll have Pepper send me the paperwork." He kisses the top of Harley's head and leaves the kitchen to search for his Starkpad, and the teen rubs his eyes as he moves out of Stephen's comforting hug.

"I'm making your favorite. Lasagna and garlic bread. Hungry?"

"Yeah."

Harley leaves the kitchen then to join Peter back in the living room, and Diana steps off the elevator a few minutes later when Stephen asks FRIDAY to send her up for dinner. Since it wasn't quite done, she and the boys made a fort out of the couch cushions, pillows and blankets after moving the coffee table and watched tv from within until Stephen called them back into the kitchen. Dinner was relatively mellower than usual for obvious reasons, but Harley cheered up a little by the end of it and returned to the fort with Peter and Diana to watch a movie. They all fell asleep in the fort in the middle of their third Disney movie, and both Tony and Stephen found themselves staring at the kids from the entryway of the living room.

"Should we wake them up and send them up to bed?" Tony whispers and Stephen shakes his head.

"Let's leave them alone." The Sorcerer Supreme looks over at Levi, points at the three kids, and the cloak perks up before happily flying into the fort with a whoosh and settling over the kids like a blanket.

"Let's have another one."

Stephen raises an eyebrow at Tony. "I am not creating another magical baby."

"Who said anything about magic? I was talking about the good old-fashioned baby making." The engineer says with a grin and Stephen snorts.

"I'm Mom, Mama Bear, wife, and occasional matriarch but I am still a man, love."

"Okay. Point. Maybe a little bit of magic is needed."

"No."

Tony gasps. "Mama Bear is saying no to another cub? Who even are you?"

"You can try the good old-fashioned way without magic." Stephen replies as he climbs the stairs to their bedroom and Tony follows.

"I can't say no to that."

The couple retired to bed for the night, leaving their three kids sleeping peacefully in their pillow fort, and Levi keeping them warm. When they woke up the next morning, miraculously with the kids still asleep, Tony made breakfast while Stephen contentedly drank tea and gazed fondly at their kids.

On Monday, Harley's adoption was finalized. He officially became a Stark-Strange.

#ironstrange #supremefamily #mama bear stephen strange #stephen strange #tony stark #peter parker #harley keener #diana stark strange (oc)#cassie lang

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petty-revenge-stories · 6 years ago

Text

I help a little girl get revenge on her mean older brother via escape room.

I work for an escape room and, as you might expect, one of our rooms is a horror experience. No live actors or anything (not yet anyway), but we don't need them to get scares out of our customers.

So a family group of 8 enters our building as a walk-in group wanting to play a game while on their vacation. Unfortunately, it was a kind of busy day and our other rooms were booked already. The only available room was the scary experience. We explained this to the group, along with the assurances that no one is in the room with you, we can control everything except for the ominous music that plays in the room so it doesn't have to be too scary, etc etc and most of the family is on board. But with them they have a little girl no older than 8 who looks very scared already.

As her parents and other family members (aunt and uncles I assume, it was a younger looking family group) fill out the waivers, I kneel down to her level and say "you don't have to be scared, sweetie, I promise nothing will hurt you, or grab you, or chase you, or anything like that. And, if you want, I can give you your own flashlight so you can see a little better in the room. Would you like that?" She nods, so I step into the back room for a moment to find a flashlight for her. When I come back, her older brother (looked maybe 13-15) is looming over his sister making growling noises and holding his hands like claws. The mother scolds him briefly and calls the girl to stand with her while she finished the paperwork, so the brother backed off and had a seat. I figured that would be the end of it, so I handed the girl the light and waited for the others to finish.

It wasn't the end of it. I escorted the team to their room, which was dimly lit and the girl immediately turns on the light i gave her. But her brother snatches it out of her hands immediately and turns it off again. The girl yells "hey!" which is when the mother again steps in, snatches the light from him, but still says to her daughter "just leave it off for now, ok? Nothing scary will happen before the game starts anyway."

So I go through my routine, explaining the locks they'll find , explaining how to ask for clues, and general safety. All the while the brother sees his parents are distracted with listening to instructions and sees this as a perfect opportunity to torture his sister more. He moves to stand behind his sister and starts tugging at her hair and hissing and growling in her ear and crawling his hand up her arm. She keeps pushing at him, but she's hesitant to call him out since she wants to pay attention too. But I saw it and, as a fellow younger sibling who has been scared and tormented by his older sister for most of his young life, I decided I didn't like this boy.

However, family relationships are not in my pay grade, so I ignore it and leave the room to start the clock and the music. I sit at my monitoring station, slide on my headphones, and type out a few clues in advance just in case they need help. But almost immediately after the clock starts, I hear a scream. The brother grabbed at his sisters leg and scared her. Mom got bonus points from me in that moment for smacking her son upside the head as she handed the flashlight back to her daughter.

But the brother is relentless, and of course the rest of the family is busy trying to solve the puzzles to escape the room, so they aren't paying attention to the brother as he torments his already terrified sister. Throwing things at her, grabbing at her, pushing and tugging at her. Finally, the sister has enough. She breaks down in tears and asks if she can leave the room. The mother scolds her son, but agrees to sit outside with the daughter while the other 6 keep playing.

Daughter's not happy, Mom's not happy, I'm not happy, but I see brother has a sickly smug grin on his face. A grin I was determined to wipe off by any means necessary.

I leave my station and meet the two out in the lobby just to make sure they're alright. The girl is wiping tears from her eyes and she hands the flashlight back to me. I kneel down to her again and ask her "Does your brother pick on you a lot?" She nods. "Yeah, my big sister used to scare me all the time too. She thought it was a lot of fun." I put on my biggest, most devious grin. "So how about we have a little fun this time?"

I lead mom and daughter to my station in the back and pull up a couple chairs for them as I say "So you remember how I was saying before that I pretty much control everything in the rooms and I can control how scary it is? Well, this is where I do that. We normally judge it on a scale of 1-10 and, up til now, I was keeping it at a 1 for your sake, sweetie. But now that you're not in the room, how about we turn it up to an 11?"

Mom and daughter are both on board.

I direct the two of them to keep an eye on the cameras as I leave the room. I go right outside the door and then WHAM WHAM WHAM I wail against the door with enough force to knock a man unconscious. I hear screams in the room, exactly as I hoped. I return to the station and mom and girl are still laughing.

"sounds like I really scared your aunt, huh?" i said.

"That wasn't her aunt" Mom said trying to catch her breath, "That was her brother!"

"He screams like a girl!" the daughter shrieked with laughter. This was the exact moment I knew this was going to be a fun hour.

"I've got plenty of other tricks up my sleeves" I laugh back. I sit back with them and turn up the volume so they can hear what's happening in the room.

About 15 minutes in, the family is making some decent progress. Not leader board worthy, but they'll get out of the room within the given time-frame. Presently, they're trying out codes to try and open the chained door that will lead to the second room. And the brother is the one fiddling with the lock. Time for step 2.

I said to the girl "Alright, I want you to help me this time. Watch this camera here and wait until you see me enter the room. Once I'm at the black door, I want you to hit that button labeled 1. Got it?" She nods. I play one of the creepy noises soundtracks and leave the room again.

I enter the room the back way, through the exit door in the third room. I creep through quietly until I'm standing directly behind the chained door, and I hear her brother still standing right there. Right on cue, the sister hits the button. I know she did, because I had her hit the light switch for the room. The second the lights go out, I grab the back side of the chained door and push and pull against it with all my might, ripping the lock from her brother's hands and causing an ungodly amount of noise as well as some delightful screams from the family.

I run back to the station and turn the lights back on again. Mom and sister are screaming with laughter. "He fell over!" the girl screamed.

The team in the room eventually got to the point where they were ready to enter the second room. As they're unraveling the chairs on the door, I flip on the fog machine and fill room 2 with smoke. I hit the lights in room 1, plunging them into darkness, with nothing but one dim flashlight to see them through. And finally, more ghost noises. The 6 cautiously enter room 2. They creep across to the door to room 3. This door is made of wrought iron bars and you can easily see into room 3 (or you could if I chose to turn on the lights in room 3. I didn't) so obviously I couldn't wail against this door without being seen.

We have a button for that.

I waited for the moment the entire family was pressing on the door, trying to see what was in the third room. "Push this button" I said to the girl. She set off the mechanism that violently shakes the door for us. The family screams and the brother runs all the way back into the first room and cowers against the entry door. It was too easy. I run out of the station and slam my fists against the door again, making him scream again. Mom and daughter are loving it, but I thought at this point maybe the brother had had enough.

Mom and daughter respectfully disagreed. "Can I push that button again?" the girl asked.

I explained: "Not right now, give them a little break. If we set it off again right now, it won't be nearly as scary because it just happened. We have to wait until they aren't expecting it."

"Its like hearing the same joke over and over," Mom added. "It stops being funny after a while, but hearing it again a few days later it's suddenly funny again."

So we wait patiently and the team finds the code to unlock room 3. "Now press it" i said. The prison gate shakes and the family is trying to open it, though brother is this time far away from the door because he's apparently learning but he still screams. I fill room 2 with more smoke and they quickly evacuate. They grab a tarp from room 3 and toss it over the iron gate before closing it again to keep out the fog. Unexpected, but it was too perfect.

I sneaked into room 1 and grabbed a creepy baby doll from the corner and crept into room 2, leaving it just behind the gate. I knew they would find it eventually because one of their puzzles required them to go back. I crept away and back into the station, where I played audio of a creepy child singing.

Mom asks, "Can I try something?" I shrug and say "what did you have in mind?" She wordlessly gets up and leaves the room. I watch her go down the hall to the door to room 1 and quietly enter. I was about to go stop her when I hear the most blood curdling screech come from the room, after which the mom scampers out giggling like mad. "I don't think they recognized my voice, but boy did they scream!" she said.

We go back to the station where the family is debating going back to room 1, half to investigate the scream, half to get what they need for the puzzle. The dad wants to go with the brother, who I think is almost in tears. He does not want to leave the group, he is so convinced that something is going to happen. But dad forces him to go.

First they pull the tarp off the door and see the doll. The reaction was musical. But then I decided to get daring. I run out of the room into room 1 and wait just behind the door. Someone threw the doll back into room 1 and I heard dad and son coming my way. When they were just a foot or two from the door, I slammed the door in their faces. Daughter was right: her brother screams like a girl. I run out of the room just before they enter and return to mom and sister in tears from laughing.

Finally came the plot I am most proud of. The family had 10 minutes left on their game and they were on the last puzzle. I said to the daughter "watch the camera for room 1. When I wave to the camera, press this button, got it?" I took her mom with me and left her in the station. Mom and I went into room 1 where I found the baby doll again. I waved to the camera and on cue the fog machine started going. I had the mom screech again and threw the doll down the hall so it slammed against the bars. And apparently the daughter remembered which button shook the iron gate because I heard that going too. Mom and I ran out barely containing our laughter as we heard the family panic.

At last, the family solved the last puzzle and got the door code, escaping with 4 minutes to spare. Mom, sister, and I were waiting in the hall as they walked out. 5 of them we laughing about what a great time they had. The brother...not so much. I saw the unmistakable stains of dried tears on his cheeks and felt a little bad, but also very vindicated. I hoped that he was having flashbacks to every moment he tormented his sister, both in this building and anywhere else they may have gone. Though it was unlikely, I hoped that he would think twice about ever scaring his little sister again.

I took their picture (the brother managed to pull himself together for that at least), offered them a few discount deals if they wanted to play later today or during their vacation, and the daughter ran over and gave me a hug before they left. I didn't tell the other 6 about what the Mom, daughter, and I had done to them during the game, and I don't know if the mom or daughter ever said anything or if they kept it their little secret, but I do hope that jerk of a brother learned a valuable lesson that day:

If you can't take it, don't dish it out. LITTLE SIBLINGS UNITE!

(source) story by (/u/oldtownphantom)

#pettyrevenge #by /u/oldtownphantom #petty revenge #revenge story #petty revenge stories #revenge stories #last10

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etraytin · 5 years ago

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Quarantine, Day 86

June 5

Paperwork time is here again, let's all rejoice till we get migraines! Today the houseguests departed after breakfast, promising to be back anytime if MIL needs them, which was very nice of them. With just the four of us in the house once more, we turned our attention to the stuff that comes next. In the morning, MIL was determined to get a bunch of stuff cleaned out of the bedroom and the closet. She let my husband pick through all his dad's clothes for things he wanted (and I think she may have given the sisters a go as well, not sure) and then boxed up the remainder. All the leftover medical things got packed up, socks and shoes and belts from the drawers. She found one of FIL's favorite belts, dark brown leather and a large round buckle with a sculpted belly button on it. It was intensely weird and my husband wanted it immediately.

In the back of the closet, she found FIL's old backpack guitar, which nobody including him knew how to play but was special because the company that made it is headquartered in the town where my husband grew up. It was very out of tune and the thinnest string was broken entirely. She decided she very much wanted it fixed up and playable and asked if I could make that happen. A couple emails and a phone call, and husband and the kiddo were off to town to the music store. They came back in only about an hour with a tuned and strung guitar. I think that was the happiest I've seen MIL in the past several days. Kiddo spent some time noodling around with it,, and it's amazing how much nicer just fooling around sounds when a guitar is in tune! It's a pretty little thing that looks more like a ren faire instrument than a guitar, but it plays nicely. I bet there are guitar lessons on YouTube somewhere.

There was a lot of funeral home detail to work out too, even though FIL's planning was comprehensive. He was a thorough, careful man who obviously spent a lot of time considering the fact that he was fifteen years older than his wife and lifting as many end of life burdens as possible from her shoulders. His will was concise and easy to find, his obituary prewritten eight years ago, then updated four years ago and only awaiting plugged-in information. He prepaid for his cremation package and arranged what funeral home would do the work, and when the time comes that we can have a service, he left several pages talking about what he would like. Even with all of that, the process of winding up a life takes time and paperwork. I am technically a lawyer (one MPRE score away from being a double lawyer!) but I know enough to know when I'm out of my depth. We've still got an appointment pending with the attorney next week, only now it will be estate administration instead of asset protection. I had to fill out an entirely new questionnaire! At least it was easier than the first one. The attorney will be able to give us the nitty gritty details about what might wind up in probate and whether we need to do probate at all, plus lots of stuff I probably haven't even thought of yet.

Side note: did you know it costs 125 dollars to ship cremains in the mail? I did not know that thing. In other news, we are going to make sure we stay in town long enough to personally pick up the four separate boxes MIL requested (one for each kid) and thereby save many many monies. Everything about dying is more expensive than you would imagine. The price for obituaries is basically ridiculous. I guess it's just one more way of supporting print journalism. We're also going to wind up buying like 20 copies of that day's paper, even more support!

The rest of today's work was mostly making calls and inquiries to different banks and utilities to confirm that we can basically do fuck-all until we have the death certificate in hand, but that once we do, things should go pretty smoothly. I found a website called Peacefully that is basically a series of checkable lists of all the things you need to do after somebody dies. It's been very helpful so far. There's a lot of stuff that I never would've even thought of, just because I've never had a close family member die in a situation where I was even a little responsible for settling things. My last grandparent died when I was 26, but I was in my final year of law school and living far away, so I had nothing to do with that except picking out a few little things from her house before the big estate sale. (I got her jewelry box that plays Fur Elise, one I wound up about a thousand times in childhood and that still smells just a tiny bit like her house.) It's very different to be right up in it, but I'm glad that I'm not trying to help from 400 miles away, or worrying about MIL having to do it all herself.

Today was also notable for being the last day of school! Kiddo missed the first half hour because we were all distracted this morning with Nana's closet, but he got there in time for most of the school meeting and to see the slide show of the year. There was also a goodbye drive-through at the school this afternoon; he was bummed he couldn't go, but happy that one of his classmates' parents filmed it and sent it to the teacher for him. He watched it tonight before bed, waving to the teachers wistfully as the video played. I really, really hope he can get back into school in the fall! He misses it. Now it's the start of the most anti-climactic summer vacation ever and we have to find stuff for him to do for three _more_ months. Internet, don't fail me now!

Speaking of finding things to do, we got back on the Avatar train and watched a bunch tonight, with popcorn and everything. I love Toph so very, very much, and so does the kiddo. He appreciates someone who is twelve and can kick the asses of everyone in the room. It is also funny how everyone in the universe continues to be fully immune to bashing damage with the exception of Zuko, who still shakes his many head traumas off very quickly. It's also funny watching how in a TV Y7 show, a character fights with two sharp swords and never actually uses the blades on anybody. I half expect to hear a Phineas and Ferb-style "We're O-Kay!" from the minions at the end of each battle. After that was bedtime and a little bit of podcast, though not nearly so much as last night. He did come into my bedroom a little later because he kept having scary thoughts, apparently mostly about Nana getting sick and dying, but we were able to talk his mood around so that he got to bed at a reasonable hour. That is excellent, he needs the sleep.

#quarantine #backpack guitar #martin guitar #atla

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post-itpenny · 5 years ago

Note

Charlie Browns an asshole

Home

A field trip and a lot of angst. Maggie is also quite open about her past and it gets a bit weird.

Maggie found pregnancy to be a… unique experience for everyone.

She was tired and sore and quite frankly just wanted to stay in bed all day and cuddle with Billy. She was starting to have mood swings too. Irritated, sad, needy, and little by little found herself feeling more protective and maternal over Amaranthus. Which Billy of course found wonderful.

But then there was how Billy was handling things…

Maggie couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t the only one who’s instincts were getting the better of her.

Billy did not like anyone being near Maggie, growling at strangers who got too close when walking down the sidewalk, snapping at employees who stood too close in the elevator.

Work had become very interesting.

Maggie tried to adjust her dress as she stood in front of the mirror in the women’s restroom. She felt bloated and uncomfortable. The fabric just a little snug around her waist and hips… and bust.

She quickly redid the top buttons but it did not seem to help much.

Well this explained why Billy had been eyeing her all morning.

Maggie sighed and left the bathroom, she passed an older woman who did a double take as Maggie passed and smiled.

Maggie blushed, could she tell? How could she tell?

Maggie rejoined the meeting Billy had been holding with several employees. Maggie took her seat as Billy quietly took her hand under the table, fiddling with the ruby ring on her finger. Out of the corner of her eye Maggie noticed one employee roll his eyes and give a look to the guy next to him.

Maggie looked away, not wanting to start any trouble though she could guess what they were thinking.

Maggie gave a deep sigh-

“Pop!”

She looked down in horror as a button flew from her dress and across the room, hitting a glass of water at the other end of the table.

The two men from earlier broke out laughing. Maggie turned deep red and crossed her arms to hide the gap, Causing the two men to laugh harder.

Billy jumped to his feet, slamming his hands down onto the table with so much force the wood cracked. He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to Maggie before turning to the two men with a glare.

“My office,” Billy ordered in a deathly quiet voice.

After they left the meeting ended very quickly.

An hour later the desks of both men had been cleared away.

Maggie entered Billy’s office as the janitor was leaving while wearing a hazmat suit.

Good to know he was prepared.

Billy was at his desk filling out paperwork, gripping his pen as he scribbled away.

Maggie sat down and watched him, “hey.”

Billy gave a grunt of response but nothing else.

Maggie cleared her throat, “so was it me or did one of those guys look kinda like an adult Charlie Brown?”

“Charlie Browns an asshole.”

Maggie blinked, Billy almost never cursed. Wow he must be tense.

It grated on Maggie’s nerves. Great, now she was tense.

“Well you ate Charlie Brown so what does that make you?”

Billy sat up and surprise, his mouth open in shock. He took a deep breath and steadied his own temper before turning to Maggie. “How about we call it a day?”

Maggie finally calmed down about halfway home. Apologizing over and over, face red with embarrassment.

The sat together after dinner, Ama in Maggie’s lap as the latter played with Ama’s hair and talked about the day-

“And then your dad ate a few people.”

Ama turned to her father, “were they tasty?”

Billy made a face, “not particularly no.”

“Then why did you eat them?”

“.... I forgot to pack my lunch.”

Amaranthus nodded with childhood understanding. It was after all, important to always pack lunch.

Maggie soon took Amaranthus to bed before finding Billy in his office.

“I’m really sorry about-“

Billy held up his hand, “it’s just hormones that’s all.”

“But I shouldn’t have said it,” Maggie sighed, “maybe I shouldn’t come into work with you till this is over. I can work on stuff at home.”

“Home?”

“Here,” Maggie answered with a slight blush.

Billy smiled and took her hand, “I would miss you though, it gets a little boring at work without you.”

“Even when I hack the elevator music?”

Billy frowned, “why choose to play YMCA?”

“Everyone danced to it, they had fun. It was funny.”

Billy sighed and stood up, the two walking towards the living room.

Maggie had a look on her face, a look Billy had become frightfully familiar with.

“What are you scheming?”

Maggie flashed him an innocent smile, “nothing! Not scheming I’m musing.”

“Musing?”

“Musing over an idea.”

“Songbird that is scheming.”

“No, no it’s not scheming… this time. But it is an idea.”

Billy arched an eyebrow, “and the idea is?”

“A field trip.”

Billy stopped, “a what?”

Maggie nodded excitedly. “I’ve been practicing! I can like- go visit places when I’m awake now.”

“Maggie that’s not particularly unusual for anyone.”

“No I mean the sleepwalk thing! I don’t need to be asleep anymore to go places.its like an out of body field trip! But I want to try something new.”

“New?”

“Yes,” Maggie answered in a shy voice. “I uh… would you like to try it with me?”

Billy grinned, “I thought we had already.”

Maggie stared at him before turning bright red as the comment sunk in. “N-no I mean… the field trip thing?”

Billy giggled at her reaction and sat down on the couch. “Suppose, I must say it would be fascinating to see what you see.”

Maggie smiled and sat down beside him, placing a hand over his head.

At once Billy felt his body become numb but strangely light. It was peaceful and his eyes slipped shut without him even realizing.

“Billy?”

He opened eyes.

“Maggie we’re in the living room.”

Billy sighed and stood up-

Only his body stayed on the couch.

Billy gasped in surprise. It was so odd seeing himself, far different than whenever he looked in a mirror. Billy’s body looked asleep, slumped over against Maggie who in turn stepped away from her own body.

“So what do you think?”

Billy examined the two figures on the couch before giving a smirk. “I think I was right to pick out that suit, very nice.”

Maggie rolled her eyes with a smile, taking Billy’s hand to lead him down the hallway.

“I like to always start with a visit to Ama first. She’s still having nightmares after… you know.”

They entered Amaranthus’ room. Maggie held onto Billy’s hand as she reached out to touch Ama’s forehead.

At once Billy could smell fear.

There was something awful about seeing his little girl run away from a monstrous form of his mother. It took everything Billy had to not be consumed in rage and attack the beast. Maggie held his hand tightly and raised her free one. The monster gone in a blink.

“So what kind of dream would you like her to have?”

It seemed only appropriate to make his princess an actual princess.

A castle and lavish party filled with all her favorite foods. Maggie had the idea of a fluffy princess gown with a lot of glitter and to make Muna a knight in shining armor. Ama herself dreamt up her family and friends to party with. Billy caught sight of a boy he didn’t recognize in the crowd however, who was that?

But more importantly-

“You do this every night?”

Maggie shrugged, “pretty much. I don’t know if it’s healthy for her though but I don’t know what else to do.”

“Healthy?”

Maggie nodded, “I’m tampering with her dreams. I don’t think that’s a good solution long term.”

Billy nodded but said nothing, perhaps he did need to seek out another way to help Ama.

They left but did not go back to the manor. Maggie insistent on showing Billy something.

Everything was dark yet… alive. It was unnerving.

It was just as he pondered this the world grew bright again. Everything was green.

They stood in a lush field, the hills rolling on into the distance like waves in the sea, patches of trees dotting the landscape as stone walls and hedges crisscrossed about. The air smelled sweet and in the grass about them-

Red poppies.

“It’s lovely.” Billy commented.

Maggie gave a small nod, “it’s my home.”

Billy looked to her in surprise. Maggie looked off into the distance as if recalling something. “This is where both parts of me were born. I spent most of my childhood here, running around barefoot in these hills.”

Billy squeezed her hand, not fully sure what else to say.

Maggie took a deep breath, fighting some deep sadness. “I had three brothers on one side and twelve siblings on the other. They’re all gone now… well one isn’t but…”

Maggie sat down, her fingers twisting around the flexible stem of a poppy. “Billy you and I didn’t have it easy as kids.”

“You’re not wrong,” Billy answered with a heavy sigh as he sat down and wrapped an arm around her.

Maggie cleared her throat, placing a hand on her stomach. “I don’t want that for Ama or this one. I don’t want them to feel lost and scared or starving.”

“You were starving?”

Maggie looked down, gripping the flower in her hand tightly. “After running away… after what my sisters did… I was a runt. I wasn’t strong enough to hunt on my own I didn’t even know how to. I was so hungry and I wandered into a farm, helped myself to the cattle. The owner panicked and sent one son to get help and he never came back. Bunch of people showed up and were so angry and I had always been… different. They said I did something to my brother but I didn’t I swear I didn’t.”

“Wait, wait slow down.” Billy asked as he turned Maggie’s head towards him. “Are you talking about… both now?”

“You know I liked to raise animals? I mean all the time, the last one was a bird. My parents hated it.”

“Maggie shh, it’s ok. You’re ok.” Billy assured as he pulled her into a hug. She was crying and buried her face into his shoulder.

“Do you have happy memories here?”

“My brother Connor used to use babysitting me as an excuse to get out of doing barn chores.”

Billy snickered, “clever.”

“He had red hair like me.”

“I bet I would have liked him.”

Maggie nodded. “He tried to save me but… Billy I was going to die. I was going to starve, I was going to die for a crime I didn’t commit. They kept saying I was an evil spirit, or a changling-“

“Have not heard that term in a very long time.” Billy noted.

“So I made a deal, I survived and I don’t regret it. I met Magpie sometime later and I had a home again. But I don’t want our baby to hurt like you and I did.”

“They won’t,” Billy insisted. “Because we’re going to make sure of it.”

They stayed on the hillside a little while longer. The grass so soft it was too tempting to just leave.

“So can you see what the baby will be like?” Billy asked.

Maggie shook her head, “It’s blurry.”

Billy pondered this a moment before asking another question. “So how exactly does it work?”

Maggie grinned, “I’ll show you.”

They were in the darkness again, the world black before suddenly filling with multitude of colored strings.

It was a beautiful and chaotic mess, Billy looking as the glowing colors that twisted and tied around each other. Some strings brighter than others.

Billy looked down and was briefly overwhelmed by a bright, bright light. A red string that glowed so intensely it was almost too much to look at. It wrapped around his body before joining the rest. Billy was in awe, was that what stars felt like?

“You’ve always been so bright. it’s what first caught my attention about you. You were just so alive.”

Billy frowned, Maggie’s voice sounded different. Like an echo chamber only different levels of pitch.

He turned to ask her what was wrong only to gasp in shock.

Two Maggies.

One clearly a clown with her pale skin and a series of blue lines and dots that were similar to Maggie’s face. The other however was indeed a human. Shorter with blue eyes and Maggie’s smile. A black bird sat calmly on her shoulder.

“Billy are you alright?” They asked in unison.

Billy choked back a laugh. No wonder Maggie’s hair was such an intense shade, they were both redheads.

“I… Maggie?”

“Yes?” They both responded.

Billy shook his head, they were two ghostly images joined hand in hand and wrapped in a golden thread. “Nevermind.”

Around their waists was a tiny silver string. So hard to see but clearly there.

Billy looked away, a little overwhelmed by it all.

“S- so how does this work?”

The two Maggies smiled, “each string is a person. Each string splits at millions in different places based on choices that person makes.”

Billy examined a sting floating nearby. It was indeed moving ever so slightly as smaller strands branches forth and intertwined with each other and the strings of other people. This one had a very warm and comforting glow, it was so welcoming Billy couldn’t help but touch it.

Lennie laughing at something Ula said

Lennie laughing at something Ula said but was distracted.

Lennie not hearing what Ula said.

Lennie laughing at something Ula said but it was a polite laugh like he didn’t find it funny.

Lennie-

Billy stepped away. The feeling of a headache began to take hold. “How many possibilities are there for every action?”

“Endless. First ones you see are usually the best bet however sometimes I like to see the first twenty to thirty just to double check for patterns.”

Billy rubbed his temples, “I understand your headaches now. It’s just too much.”

The two Maggies shrugged, “I’m used to it.”

Billy looked around, spotting another interesting thread. It was a deep purple, larger than the others with a powerful aura about it. “Who is that?”

“Calliope.”

Billy spotted another, it’s glow positively cheerful and inviting, “who is this?”

“Your father.”

Billy spotted something odd, a large knot of threads, “What is that?”

“It’s called a fixed point,” the Maggies explained. “Something that has to exist or happen according to the universe, I like to think of them as anchors in the timeline.”

Billy spotted another fixed point, however this one seemed… wrong. It a ghost, there and not there at once. More like a stain on the timeline than an anchor.

“That is a fixed point I’m trying to get rid of for Bridgette.” The Maggies explained. “I have a plan but it’s… it’s not ideal but it’s my solution.”

Billy frowned, Maggie had told him about the elder, found it amusing even when he learned that she didn’t like him. But this…

“Songbird when you say it’s not ideal-“

“It might be pretty stupid.”

Billy turned taking the hands of both Maggies with a teasing smile, “is it a plan you would carry out with Pepper and Lennie?”

“No! Goodness no.”

Billy frowned, her panic didn’t help. “I don’t need to explain how much I feel this is a bad idea, whatever the plan is.”

“Billy I really need you to trust me on this.”

“That doesn’t help.”

Billy looked back to the fixed point. A powerful thread was tied to it, perhaps this was Bridgette? Maggie’s thread was there as well and-

“Who is that lavender thread?”

Maggie shook her head. “Do- don’t… you know what? It’s time to go, let’s go home.”

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la-appel-du-vide · 6 years ago

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06•14•19

After the cookie class, Kena and I went to grab some food. She took me to HuHot, which is one of her favorite Mongolian places. We started eating, and the food was actually really good! And that's when I got the scariest phone call of my life.

Whitnie was calling, and when I answered, I first thought that she was laughing. Everything that she was saying was incoherent, and I told her she needed to speak more clearly. That's when I realized she was not laughing, but actually crying. Basically all that I could make out from the conversation with her is, "Dad's hurt. Mom's crying. You need to come home."

From there, it's a bit of a blur. I remember trying to ask her what happened to Dad, but she had no information for me other than it was serious and my mom needed me home. We rushed out the restaurant and Kena drove me to my house to meet the family. I knew that Dad had been up at a Fathers and Sons camp-out for the stake, so my mind was racing wondering what could have happened.

When I got home, there were a few visitors and mom was still on the phone. I started to learn a couple more details, like they were working to get a pulse and he wasn't breathing. Someone up at the campground with him told us they were life-flighting him to the hospital, and we should meet them there. It was a rush to collect our things and our emotions, and drive up to Ogden Regional Medical Center. We were met there by Heidi and Sean Brophy, President and Sister Jacobson, Isaac and one of Dad's coworkers Jay. It was a confusing time as we were hearing different pieces of the story, and waiting for Dad to get there. Mom had to go fill out some medical paperwork, and the rest of us sat in the waiting room. Once Dad arrived, they let my mom and siblings go see him. He was awake, but completely out of it. All he kept saying was, "Help me." It is so hard to see such a tough guy in that kind of state. Really shook me up. They'd cut all of his clothes off of him, and he was connected to all kinds of machines and wires. I'm not really sure he knew we were there, and he definitely didn't know what was going on. We stayed back there a few minutes, then went back to the waiting room while the staff worked to stabilize him.

That's when President Hjorten showed up, and told us the story (I'm also adding some details we learned later from the two men that saved Dad's life.):

They had just finished a devotional, and Dad had helped pass around doughnuts as refreshments. Then he went and picked up his camp chair, and sat near a large fire-pit, with only a small fire going. Brother Brown, and his son Alex, and Brother Zimmerman, and his son Christian, had just come over to stand around the fire when they noticed my Dad's head suddenly drop, his phone fall out of his hand, and his body begin to slump. They tried to ask him if he was ok, but they got no response. Brother Zimmerman pushed his body back up in the chair, and realized there was no pulse and that he wasn't breathing. He yelled at him and tried to get a response, but there was nothing. Luckily, Brother Brown happens to be a doctor. He instructed Zimmerman to get Dad on the ground and start CPR while he called the paramedics. They did CPR for nearly 30 minutes waiting for the ambulance to arrive, and the decision was made at some point during that time to send a life-flight helicopter in as it would be a faster route from the campground to the hospital. President Hjorten said that after 15 minutes of CPR, he was pretty sure they'd lost him. His eyes had rolled back into his head, his body was cold, and it was starting to turn blue. The doctor had the inspired idea to ask for an epipen. They could use the burst of adrenaline to help kick-start the heart. A nearby man happened to have one on him, so they quickly shot it into Dad's stomach. They said when they did this, Dad became semi-conscious for a minute and looked around and took a couple of breaths, but then went back into unconsciousness. They yelled out for another epipen, and after a couple of minutes, a kid came running with two. They used one more just a couple minutes later, and got the same kind of response. Finally, the ambulance arrived, and they were able to shock his heart back to life. He woke up and became kind of angry, they said, fighting the paramedics trying to strap him to the board so he could be placed in the helicopter. They had six or seven guys holding me down, because he is STRONG. Then they flew him to Ogden Regional, where we met him.

They got him stabilized, and then moved him to the ICU. He was in and out of it, but the doctors were amazed at his condition, for 30 minutes of CPR and lack of oxygen. He never had to be intubated, and he was pretty alert. Confused, for sure, but alert. They put him through many tests to find out what happened, but learned that there really was no explanation for it. His CT scan and EKG came back normal, he was free of blood clots and blocked arteries, and he didn't have a heart attack. The random event is kind of scary, so they decided to keep him in the ICU where they could keep a close watch on him until they could implant a defibrillator, which basically monitors his heart rate 24/7, and shock it back into normal rhythm when needed to try and prevent a life-threatening situation from happening again.

We were all at the hospital pretty late that night, but Aubrey, Isaac and I left for home about 3 AM to grab some stuff for Mom and Dad, who would be at the hospital for awhile. And Whit couldn't get herself to leave. We slept for a couple hours, and then headed back over there with all the needed stuff.

Dad seemed to be more conscious on Saturday, but clearly had short-term memory problems. He asked the same questions over and over and over again: How did I get here? Where is my truck? I was supposed to cook breakfast at the camp-out this morning... Did anyone track down any stoves? Isaac and I had an appointment at the car dealership today - He should probably call and cancel. So we went over and over those details, but within 10 or 15 minutes, he'd ask them again. One funny side-note: Each time we told him that he had to be life-flighted to the hospital, he'd get a look of pure shock on his face, and go: "What!! That's going to cost like _______." And each time, his estimated cost went higher and higher. He started with $5,000. Then $10,000. Then $15,000. Then $30,000. Then $50,000. And by the end of the day, we got: "That's going to cost like, $100,000!" Hahaha every single time he began his response, we'd all look at each other in anticipation of what amount he was going to say, and try so hard not to laugh.

He remembered very little from Saturday. He had all kinds of visitors, but by Sunday, he'd forgotten seeing anyone at all.

Saturday night, we all left (except mom who stayed with Dad the whole time) around midnight and went to get some Father's Day stuff ready for Dad. (Sad, right? Father's Day in the ICU?) It took us way longer than it should have, but it was fun to take Dad a candy poster and some presents to try and brighten his morning and celebrate him a little extra for sure. He seemed to like it, but apparently forgot all about it, because he never remembered opening his presents when he saw them all again at home later. I also made him a buttermilk pie for his Father's Day dessert, because they're his favorite.

It was a long few days in the hospital. So many drives back and forth, trying to keep the house cleaned and take care of Archie, but also be there for Mom and Dad, and bring everyone what they needed. We had mostly awesome nurses, but on Sunday, encountered one who wouldn't even let us all go sit with him at the same time. Not even on Father's Day. When most of the other nurses would even let non-relatives in to see him! Basically ridiculous. We were heated.

I was getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, which is more I'm sure than my poor mom who was sleeping on a hospital floor, but I was still exhausted. By the time I rolled into work early Monday morning, I was physically and emotionally spent. I would cry at the smallest criticism, or sometimes at nothing at all, all day long. The hospital and the trauma really takes a toll on you.

Dad got his defibrillator put in on Monday, and they said they'd monitor him for 24 hours, and then he could go home. We were relieved because no one was getting the rest they needed while at the hospital, and Dad was truly just miserable there. But after 15 attempts during the operation, the doctor was never able to get the wires in a place he was happy with. X-rays and ultrasounds afterward proved that. So he had to go back in on Tuesday, and get his incision re-cut open, so the doctor could try again. Depression really started to set in at this news. This time was easy, the doctor said. He didn't know why, but it only took him one try to get the wires in a place he was happy with. And because he was so confident, he allowed Dad to finally come home.

Dad's extremely sore from 2 broken ribs caused by the CPR, and complains about a lot of headaches, but he has a beating heart and we are so thankful. So many things lined up for him that night: it happened when people were around, instead of an hour later when he would have been sleeping alone in his truck; a doctor happened to be at the campground, and one of the only two men near dad when it happened; and they were able to use two epipens to help the resuscitation efforts. If this had happened at home, he may have already gone to bed for the night as he goes to sleep early, and we never would have known. It could have happened while he was driving, which would have been tragic no doubt. But it happened at the right place, at the right time. And he's made a truly miraculous recovery. His short-term memory has returned, and he never lost any long-term memory, which is a miracle because his brain was without oxygen for so long.

We are so grateful to still have him with us, and for the reassurance that the implanted defibrillator gives us that this won't happen again.

Now he just needs a few weeks for the ribs to heal, and he is practically good as new.

We sure love our Dad.

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swanqueeneverafter · 6 years ago

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After The Sunset, Pt.16

Enchanted Forest. Before The Dark Curse. A Tavern. (The dwarves are drinking and enjoying themselves after a long day's work. Although sitting with them, Dreamy sits quietly thinking to himself when the Foreman of the Dwarf Mines joins him.) Foreman: "What's the matter? You've barely touched your food.” Dreamy: “I don't know. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I don't feel at all like myself. Maybe I should have Doc take a look at me.” Foreman: “You're gonna trust a dwarf that got his medical degree from a pickax? I wouldn't worry about it. Dwarves don't get sick. It must be in your head.” Belle: (From another table:) “It's not in his head, it's in his heart. (The dwarves turn to look at her:) You're in love.” Foreman: “Oh, that's impossible. Dwarves can't fall in love.” Belle: “Trust me. I know love, and - You're in it.” (The Foreman dismisses this and gets up to join the other dwarves while Dreamy joins Belle at her table.) Dreamy: “What's it like?” Belle: “It's the most wonderful and amazing thing in the world. Love is hope. It fuels our dreams. And if you're in it, you need to enjoy it. Because love doesn't always last forever.” Dreamy: “But if love's so great, then why do I feel so bad right now?” Belle: “You need to be with the person you love.” Dreamy: “Yeah, but how do I know she feels the same way? All she talked about was going to see some fireflies, not loving me.” Belle: “What- what did she tell you about these fireflies?” Dreamy: “Uh, that she was gonna go see them on the hilltop tonight, that she heard they were the most beautiful sight in all the land. (Belle giggles:) What?” Belle: “She wasn't telling you about the fireflies. She was inviting you to go be with her.” Dreamy: “You think so?” Belle: “I've had my heart broken enough to know when somebody's reaching out. Now go, find your love. Find your hope. Find your dreams.” Storybrooke. Outside Granny's Diner. After The Black Fairy's Curse. (Rumplestiltskin takes a picture of his family with his new camera.) Belle: “Rumple! I said no pictures. I'm not even ready for the party yet. I'm a mess.” Rumplestiltskin: “You look beautiful.” (Takes a seat beside his son.) Belle: (Sighs:) “You are gonna make me regret giving you that camera. Okay. (Checking her list:) Uh, Zelena got balloons. Emma and Regina cake. Oh, Snow and David are bringing bubble wands. (At Rumple’s look:) I don't know, I guess Baby Neal is obsessed with them.” Rumplestiltskin: “Belle?” Belle: “Yes.” Rumplestiltskin: “Relax. It's a children's birthday party. As long as everyone turns up and Gideon ends up with birthday cake all over his face, it's a success.” Belle: “Oh, I know. You're right. It's just after all these years, I guess I'm used to the chaos. (Gideon whines:) Maybe I should get, uh, un-used to it.” Rumplestiltskin: “Well, Storybrooke's certainly been quiet this past year. I can't even remember the last time I used magic. Hey, that reminds me. (Picking up a present from the table:) I got something for you. It's for all of us, a family thing.” Belle: (Opens the box to reveal a photo album. Flicking through the blank pages:) “Rumple, it's beautiful. I love it.” Rumplestiltskin: “It's for our travels. (Taking the album and putting it aside:) Belle, you have been so patient with me. Too patient. (Stands:) You've seen the man behind the beast when no one else could.” Belle: “Oh, Rumple. That beast is a distant memory now.” Rumplestiltskin: “So, let me do this for you. You deserve to finally get what you've always wanted. To see the world.” (They kiss.)

Storybrooke. Recent Past. New Years Eve. (With only a few hours left until the annual Storybrooke New Year’s Eve party, things are a little quiet at Roni’s. So much so that Alice and Robin are spending the afternoon looking for apartments rather than helping behind the bar.) Robin: (Scrolling through her phone:) “Oh, look. There's a one-bedroom right here in Storybrooke. Oh, it looks pretty good in the pictures. See?” Alice: “I don't need to see it. I love it. If it comes with a built-in Robin, that's all I need.” Robin: “Aw.” (After the merging of realms, the number of quests skyrocketed, so after a particularly heated town meeting, it was decided that the Dark Palace would be a much more suitable place for hosting the party than Granny’s. Probably for the first time ever, the palace was filled with fairies and dwarves who volunteered as a decorating squad.) Regina: (Glaring at Leroy:) “You just know that Grumpy signed all his brothers up in the hope of spending some time with Nova.” Zelena: (Glancing back to see Leroy and Nova leaving the bar together:) “Well, whatever the reason, the main ballroom is glistening, and the atmosphere is buzzing over there. The palace is so full of light, colourful decorations, countless flying candles and several beautiful crystal chandeliers...” Regina: (Arms folded:) “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Zelena: (Smiles:) “Yes, I am rather. Oh come on, it can’t possibly be as bad as you think it is.” Regina: (Scoffs:) “What I think, is that I could simply use my magic to decorate the ballroom and it would have been finished hours ago.” Henry: (Arriving from the store room:) “Yeah, but not everyone thinks black is a festive colour, Mom.” (Putting an arm around her son’s shoulders, Regina ruffles Henry’s hair while Zelena chuckles.) Regina: “Very funny, young man. Shouldn’t you be at the farm watching over your uncle?” Henry: (Checking his watch:) “Ah, you’re right! And I’m supposed to meet Violet there ten minutes from now.” (Watching the teenager scurry off to meet his girlfriend, Regina can’t help but smile as Henry rushes from the bar.) Regina: “He gets his time management skills from his mother.” Zelena: “Hm. Speaking of, where is my delightful sister-in-law?” Regina: “At the station. She wanted to make sure all her paperwork was finished before the new year starts.” Zelena: “Mmhmm sure she did…” Regina: “Alright, maybe I suggested it, so I could prepare my costume. (Smiling devilishly:) I’m aiming for ‘speechless amazement’ this year. What are you wearing, anyway?” Zelena: (With a smirk of her own, whispers:) “Ah. That would be telling. (Downs her drink, then stands:) But don’t worry, all shall be revealed. (Winks:) Almost literally. (To Alice and Robin:) Come on, you two.” (The trio prepare to depart, leaving Regina with a slightly concerned expression upon her face.) The Charmings’ House. (Decidedly not doing her paperwork, Emma Swan-Mills finds herself going through her mother’s closet.) Emma: (To herself:) “Ugh, there has to be something in here I can use.” David: (Entering the room:) “Anything I can help you with?” Emma: “Oh, hey, Dad. (Sighs:) I’m looking for ideas for a costume for tonight.” David: “You don’t have a costume yet?” Emma: “I haven’t had time! Not since my deputy left me with piles of paperwork to complete.” David: (Chuckles:) “I finished all of my paperwork before I resigned and you know it. How much more could there possibly be?” Emma: (Sighs, avoiding the question:) “This is hopeless. What are you two going as tonight?” David: “Snow White and Prince Charming, who else?” Emma: “Right, how silly of me.” David: “Boy, I’ll tell ya, I’m sure glad Henry and Violet will take care of your brother tonight, it’s been a while since Snow and I went to a party as just the two of us, and-“ Emma: “Yeah, let me stop you there, Don Juan, before you say anything that’ll make us both uncomfortable. Besides, I’m sure the kid wants some time alone with Violet without his mom spying on him. (They both laugh at this, imagining Regina watching the young couple like a hawk:) Well, I better get going.” David: “What about your costume?” Emma: “Oh, I’ll think of something. I do have one idea but... well, we’ll see.” David: (Smiles:) “I’m sure it’ll be great.” Emma: “Yeah. See you in a couple of hours.” (With that, Emma hugs her father and leaves the room just as the sound of screeching tyres can be heard outside.)

Granny's Diner. Present. (Ruby is clearing plates when Billy, the mechanic, surprises her.) Billy: “A mouse.” Ruby: (Startled:) “What? Where?” Billy: “No. I meant me. (Approaching:) I was a mouse. My name was Gus. I lived in Cinderella's pantry, I ate cheese, I gnawed on wood, but I preferred the cheese.” Ruby: “And, why are you telling me this?” Billy: “Uh, we haven't had a chance to talk since you left for the Enchanted Forest. I swore to myself that if I ever saw you again, I’d ask you out. And I guess I just wanted you to know who I was… back home.” Ruby: “Uh, can I, um, still call you Billy?” Billy: “You can call me whatever you want, as long as you let me buy you a drink after your shift.” Ruby: (Eyes the clock:) “Um, tonight's actually not great. Because...” Snow White: (Coming to her rescue:) “Uh, we... we have plans.” Ruby: “That's right, um... It's girls night.” Snow White: “Because we haven’t seen each other in so long.” Ruby: “Right, and I'm bringing the cheese. (Gasps:) Which has nothing to do with you being a mouse. It has to do with the... wine.” Billy: “Okay. Um... Maybe next time.” (He leaves.) Ruby: (They hug:) “Thank you.” Snow White: “I can spot a girl in trouble. You know you could have told him about you and Mulan. Billy must be the only one who doesn’t know.” Ruby: “Yeah, can’t say I’ve really missed all the gossip that goes on around here.” Snow White: “Oh, you don’t know the half of it. Ooh, that reminds me, did you know that Mrs...” (Snow continues talking as we see David giving Ruby a sympathetic smile. Suddenly, King George, also known as Storybrooke’s disgraced former district attorney Albert Spencer, joins him in the booth.) David: “What are you doing here?” Spencer: “You may have taken care of me in the old world, and kept me locked away in this one for years, but, with a new sheriff in town, we get another go at each other.” David: “Lily let you go?” Spencer: “I’ve served my time.” David: “You tortured Regina and almost blew up the entire town. You should be locked away for the rest of your life.” Spencer: (Laughs:) “So righteous, so sure of yourself. But I know the truth. You're still just a shepherd pretending to be a prince. You weren't fit to run the kingdom, and now even your daughter knows you sure as hell aren't fit to run this town.“ David: “The people of this town know who I really am. And they've seen me defeat you before. So, now that you’re free, if you want to try and take me down, they'll see it again.” Spencer: (Chuckles:) “By the time I'm done here, you'll wish you'd killed me when you had the chance.”

Kitchens. (Granny and Ruby are working on the walk-in refrigerator in the back room while Snow watches.) Granny: (Lifting her welders mask:) “Almost done. Let's finish clearing out those perishables.” Snow White: “I’m sorry, what’s going on here?” Ruby: “We're making a cage. Know anybody who might want thirty-eight frozen lasagnas?” Snow White: “What?” Granny: “I know. Nobody would believe it if you told them my lasagnas was frozen.” Snow White: “No. Why are you building a cage?” Ruby: “Tonight's the full moon. It's the first night of Wolfstime.” Snow White: “Ruby, you learned how to control the wolf in you ages ago.” Ruby: “Yeah. But, (Sighs:) since Mulan’s been gone, I haven’t been sleeping real well.” Snow White: “Oh, Ruby, Mulan knows how to handle herself.” Ruby: “I know that, but she doesn’t even know for sure what’s out there. All she’s going by is rumours. I worry, okay? And if I’m not sleeping, my mind isn’t focused...” Snow White: “Hm. Okay I can see that. But what about your red hood? That could keep you from turning.” Ruby: “If I had it. I've looked everywhere. I know I brought it back to Storybrooke because I was wearing it.” Snow White: “Ruby, I know you. I trust you. Wolfstime or not, you won't hurt anyone tonight.” Ruby: “Maybe. But I can't afford to take any chances.” Storybrooke Sheriff's Department. (David confronts Lily about Spencer's release.) David: "Do you have any idea what you've done? Spencer is a maniac." Lily: "Oh, I see. So all that talk about how everyone deserves a second chance, really only applies to people within your family? Or perhaps just to those you approve of?" David: "This is not about me, it's about the safety of the people of this town." Lily: (Scoffs:) "One old man who doesn't even have magic doesn't sound like much of a threat to me." David: "Do you even know what he did? Spencer conspired to have my grandson kidnapped and taken to Neverland." Lily: "So it is personal with you two after all." David: "Look-" Lily: (Interrupting:) "By the way, kidnapping a child and sending it to another world is exactly what you and your wife did to me. If you two are allowed to walk around free, then so is Spencer. (David has no reply to this:) Look, I have no idea why Emma left me in charge, but the fact is she did and I'm grateful for this opportunity. Like it or not, I am the sheriff around here and what I decide is final." David: (Putting his hands up placatingly:) "I'm not trying to challenge your authority. All I'm asking is that you take me on as your deputy, just as another pair of eyes. I know these people, I've lived with them for years. What I know could be useful to you day to day." Lily: (Considers:) "Do you know how to fix the copier?" David: (Nods:) "I think I could figure it out." Lily: "Good, you can start there. (As David starts to say something:) But, we're gonna take this arrangement day by day. If you do something I don't like, you're gone." David: "I can live with that." Lily: "We'll see." Enchanted Forest. Past. (Belle sits in a tavern, listening to a speech being given across the room.) Alistair: (Addressing a group of people:) “There's a fearsome beast ravaging a faraway kingdom. Its eyes burn with fire. They call it the Yaoguai. No man has been able to kill it, but we will! There's room on our wagon. Who's going to join us?” Dreamy: (Approaches Belle's table:) “Looking for an adventure?” Belle: “Dreamy, right?” Dreamy: “Yes. I came to thank you. That advice you gave me last night... (Sits at her table:) it worked. Nova and I are running away together.” Belle: (Smiles, squeezing his hand:) “That's wonderful.” (They both look towards Alistair and his group.) Dreamy: “Why don't you sign up?” Belle: (Scoffs:) “Yeah, I've always dreamt of heroics, but I think it's safer I stick to my books. They're the only adventures I know that have happy endings.” Dreamy: “Well, maybe this one will have one, too.” Belle: “Yeah, I doubt it. Last time I faced a beast, it didn't end well.” Dreamy: “What are you talking about?” Alistair: “Men! Follow me! Yaoguai awaits.” Dreamy: “Get on that wagon. Go! Take a chance.” Belle: (Thinks:) “Thank you.” (She starts to leave.) Dreamy: “Wait! Belle! Wait. (Hands her a pouch of dust:) It's fairy dust. It might come in handy.” Belle: “Uh, no, thank you... I've seen what magic does to people.” Dreamy: “You've seen what dark magic does. Fairies use this for good. Now go be a hero.” (Belle smiles and runs off.)

Enchanted Forest. Recent Past. New Years Eve. The Dark Palace. (The enormous ballroom is slowly filling up with people arriving from across the realms. Arriving late but trying to appear casual about it, Emma searches the room for her wife. They haven’t seen each other all day because they agreed to meet at the palace and surprise each other with their costumes. Not finding the Mayor anywhere, the Sheriff makes a beeline to the bar, which, in fact, is more a table covered with liquor and various other beverages. Scanning the table, Emma smiles in delight upon finding her favourite brand of root beer. Opening one and drinking from the bottle, she turns to greet whoever just stood next to her, only to nearly spit the beer all over her sister-in-law.) Emma: (Wiping the beverage from her chin:) “Jesus, Zelena! This is a costume party, not a nudist convention.” Zelena: (Mock offended:) “Excuse me? I HAVE a costume!” Emma: “So who the hell are you supposed to be?” Zelena: (Rolling her eyes:) “The little mermaid, of course! Why do think I’m wearing these bloody sea shells or these seaweed knickers? (Zelena points at the three pieces of clothing truly not doing much to cover her body, then adds more calmly:) Besides, Robin has Alice, Regina has you, it’s time Mummy had some fun, too.” Emma: (Groans:) “Oh god, too much information.” Zelena: (Winks:) “At least it rhymed. Plus, I enchanted a few dozen sprigs of mistletoe to appear whenever two people are standing close enough to each other. (Emma takes a step away from her sister-in-law and checks the space above her head for any trace of the enchanted plant:) Oh get over yourself. Who are you dressed like, anyway?” Emma: “Hermione from Harry Potter.” Zelena: “Bollocks, she has brown hair. Although, it’s a pretty simple charm if you want me to…” Emma: “Some prefer it blonde, you know. Your sister for example.” Zelena: “Ugh, lovebirds. Well, my goal for tonight is much simpler than finding true love.” Emma: “Yeah, and what’s that?” Zelena: (In a tone suggesting it should have been obvious:) “Why, finding a decent shag of course.” Emma: (Winces:) “Well, good luck with that.” Zelena: (Scoffs:) “Who needs luck when you have- Ooh, I guess my little sis knows this as well…” Emma: “What do you mean? (Once Emma turns around however, all becomes clear. Across the room, standing with one hand on her hip and a confident smile adorning her face, is Regina:) Wow.” (Regina makes her approach, not unlike a lioness stalking her prey.) Zelena: “Have fun, kittens.” (Zelena makes herself scarce as the Mayor and the Sheriff are reunited.) Regina: “So, like what you see, Miss Granger?” (Regina asks seductively, looking Emma up and down.) Emma: “Uh…” Regina: (Chuckles:) “Eloquent as always, I see.” Emma: “Gina, you look…wow, you know what the Evil Queen’s attire does to me... but holy hell, woman…” Regina: (Laughs and circles Emma with an appreciative hum, purring into the Sheriff’s ear:) “You look utterly edible yourself, dear.” (The sound of a glass shattering distracts them from their flirtation momentarily as they look over to see Snow White standing with her hand still mid-air and paler than usual.) Snow White: (Noticing that several other people are staring at her:) “Everything’s alright here!” (Everyone resumes their previous activities. Finally snapped out of her haze, Emma turns to face Regina who immediately snakes her arms around her wife’s neck, letting herself be pulled even closer by her hips. Foreheads resting against each other, the couple start to sway to the rhythm of the music.) Emma: “You’re positively ravishing, babe.” Regina: “Mm. Promises, promises. (Suddenly, something above them catches her attention:) Really? Mistletoe?” (Emma also looks up to find a sprig of Zelena’s enchanted mistletoe hanging in the air.) Emma: “Um, yeah, that’s your sister’s doing, she’s determi- wait, that’s it - mistletoe. A kiss under the mistletoe!” Regina: “Yes, Emma, I know what-” Emma: (Placing a finger on blood red lips, recites slowly:) “Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it…” (There’s a gleam in the sheriff’s eyes and the faintest shadow of a smile on her lips as she waits for Regina to get the hint. After a moment of deep concentration, the mayor replies with a victorious smirk.) Regina: “But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.” (After that, it was hard to tell who dived in first, not that either of them care as they kiss each other with such passion.) Snow White: “Oh my god, will you two stop that? (When the kissing continues undeterred, her eyes widen with horror as they begin pulling at each others clothes:) You’re not in some porno movie!” (Unfortunately for Snow, her high-pitched cry resonates throughout the entire ballroom. Every single person is frozen to their spot to catch a glimpse of what seems to be a juicy scandal. Emma hides her face in her hands.) Regina: (With a growl through gritted teeth:) ”Excuse me, but this happens to be a very private conversation! Can you finally take your drink and go? (Emma grabs Regina’s hand and ushers her quickly to a quiet corner, as far from everyone, including a crimson red Snow White as possible. Regina laughs heartily the whole way and, once they’re alone teases:) For what it’s worth, I find that shade of pink on your mother’s face appealing.” Emma: (Smiles, shaking her head:) “You’re evil.” Regina: “You love it.” Emma: “I do.” Regina: “Then kiss me.” Emma: “With pleasure.” (Whatever reply Regina wanted to say is silenced by Emma’s lips and turned into a small appreciative moan, accompanied soon by one from the sheriff herself as the mayor tugs gently at her hair.)

Enchanted Forest. Present. (Having left Alice's tower, Regina and Emma make their way through the forest.) Regina: (Catching Emma looking at her outfit:) "What?" Emma: "A cape, really?" Regina: "Hey, I learned my lesson after what happened at DunBroch. I can't very well wear a pantsuit when walking through a forest. It was either this or one of the queen's outfits, and judging by the frosty looks I received from those peasants yesterday, this seemed the safer option." Emma: "Maybe it'd help if you stopped calling them peasants. (Looking her up and down again:) I like the look, I just think the cape is a bit much." Regina: "We're on the search for an adventure aren't we? If I've learned anything from reading Henry's comic books, it's that freedom of movement is essential if your suspecting a surprise attack." Emma: "Woah, okay well there's a lot to unpack in that sentence. First, if you're expecting to be attacked, it's not a surprise. Second, not all heroes wear capes. And third, who is going to be dumb enough to attack us?" (Just then, three men approach them from the trees.) Man 1: "There you are lads, just like I told you. The Evil Queen as I live and breathe." (Regina tenses but Emma calmly tries to warn the men.) Emma: "Hey guys, don't you know who we are? Emma Swan, the Savior? (Glancing back at her wife:) And, er, Regina: Warrior Princess?" Regina: (Scoffs:) "If anything, I'm a warrior queen." Man 1: "You'll be royally dead once we're done with you." Regina: "You've got to be kidding me." Emma: "Yeah, guys, seriously? This is not cool." Man 2: "No, what's not cool is the likes of her (Pointing his sword at Regina:) living it up in her castle while the rest of us starve." Man 1: "And the so-called heroes do nothing about it. You see, you may have found your redemption, Your Majesty, but the people are still hungry." Man 2: "Families were ripped apart under your rule and those actions deserve answers." Regina: (Smiles malevolently:) "Oh I guarantee you won't enjoy the answers I give you." (When Regina conjures a fireball in her hand, Emma steps between her and the bandits.) Emma: "Look! I get that your lives back then sucked, but that was years ago and Regina has changed." Man 1: "Time doesn't heal all wounds, Savior. Now step aside." Emma: "If you think I'm gonna let you lay one finger on my wife, you're far stupider than I gave you credit for." Man 1: "Your wife? (To his friends:) Well I guess what they say about blondes is true, boys. Only an idiot would marry that murderer. (To Regina over Emma's shoulder:) So come on, Your Majesty, show her what kind of person you really are and throw that fireball. 'Cause the way I see it, this ends one of two ways: Us killing you or you killing us." (Emma looks back to Regina who extinguishes the fireball.) Emma: (To the men:) "You know what? I think I've found a third way." (Emma turns and head butts the lead bandit, sending him down and out as Regina uses her magic to send the other two flying back against two trees.)

Emma: (Checking to make sure the men are unconscious, looks to Regina:) "I think my way was better. (Regina smiles then looks down at the men without saying a word. Softly, returning to her:) Hey, are you all right?" Regina: (Sighs:) "They aren't wrong about me, Emma. I did those terrible things in my past." Emma: "Yeah, and a lot of other people have done stuff they regret too. Look, I'm not trying to diminish or excuse what you did back then, but you have changed. You've saved far more people in these last few years than-" Regina: (Holding up her hand:) "Shh. (Uses her magic to heal the reddish bump that was beginning to form on Emma's forehead:) I hurt a lot of people in my past. And, although I may not allow the guilt of it to weigh me down, I still carry that with me, every day." Emma: "So you're okay?" Regina: (Smiles, reassuringly:) "I've learned to live with who I was for a while now. (Stroking Emma's face:) Thanks to you." (They lean in for a kiss, but are interrupted.) Rumplestiltskin: (From behind them:) "Don't forget about me, Dearie." (Rolling her eyes, Emma turns toward the sound of the voice.) Regina: (Stunned:) "Rumple?"

#sq #swanqueen #swan queen

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i-truly-dont-know-anymore · 6 years ago

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Dear Sister,

I can’t lie, it’s been hard sis. Really hard. I wish I was handling it as well as some of the others. I’m a little teary eye as I write this, like I said it’s hard. First I have to catch you up. Let’s start with P****! I swear she’s about to walk, it’s crazy. She’s almost talking, oh how you’d laugh, she’s almost says ‘damn gina!’ haha, that’s thanks to T***. She says hey by the way, she loves and misses you. D** got a PS3 for Christmas, he was so happy man, his smile was crazy. He was so excited. A******* actually for 1 got us all(Me, B**, and M***) luffas haha, it was great. But she also straight up got a box of rocks. M*** said her grandma would’ve loved it so I really couldn’t say anything but damn was it funny to me. B** got some clothes and some other cool stuff. He’s working in the back now. Yea haha that’s right he’s cooking all the chicken when he works. He loves it. He said he likes it more than the front of house but who doesn’t right? He misses you a shit ton. I think he might be doing the best though honestly. You know how he is, even though he’s young and acts young he has a very adult oriented mind set. He might be going to collage out in Cali though! He’s filling out some paperwork for a trip out to see it and shit. I’m really proud of him, I know you are too.

M*** and K**** are doing ok. They are having some rough patches here and there but I think they are ok. I know it M*** hard. When he cried, I felt it in my stomach and I hated it. It’s only natural I suppose. He’s gunna be ok I know it. He’s got big plans. I can’t wait to see him there. He loves you like crazy and misses you like a motherfucker. K**** too, you were her sister too.

Mom and Dad really got hit too sis. Although I know you know that. Dad cried when it was all said and done. He was standing at the bottom of the kitchen stairs, looking out the window, and he started with a few but couldn’t hold it. I understood. Even though in all my life I never had seen Dad cry I understood. I walked over to him and held him. I have to tell you it was strange to hold him like that. I was comforting Dad and holding him in the kitchen crying on my shoulder. Fucking harsh man. I held Mom a lot too. She just stepped down as children's director, she’s been distracted but she’s getting there. I think it’s just gunna take longer with her, same with Dad.

The holiday’s were pretty ok, but it was obvious that you were gone.

Oh! I almost forgot!

J*** came out. Like out here! I couldn’t fucking believe it. Good job sis. No fighting, everything was pretty peaceful.

Now it’s January and your birthday is right around the corner. I’ll live it up out here for ya, or at least try.

I got to be real with you sis. I’ve been strong for them. Everyone has much as I can be at least. I’ve talked to so many people and helped them. But to tell all, I’ve been fucked.

I’m stressed, and lack so many emotions. My regular depression got so much worse sis. You knew where I was at, you were the only one really, I’m crushed beyond belief. I fucking miss you so much sis, like fuck. I keep waiting for your texts telling me to unlock the doors for you or not lock them for you. The first whole month I always unlocked them for you. Just in case you came back. I miss those texts, I miss seeing you around the house. I miss picking you up from **, I miss everything sis. I want to cry every day but can’t. I can;’t stop myself from the what ifs and what I could have done. No matter how hard I try. I lay up at night wishing I would have come up to talk to you. Talked to you more when I picked you up. After you went up stairs, after I said, ‘yea for sho, see ya in the morning’. J*** came over and we sat in the man cave, B** and I were making jokes and we all laughed. Boom boom BOOM, 30 minutes later Boom boom BOOM until 8ish 9.

It was so FUCKING normal that we joked about it. I wish I didn’t have to deal with that Sunday. It was the longest Sunday of my life. I wish I

I know it was an accident, I know. I know you didn’t want this to happen.

But it did. I really do hope you’re happy sis, I really do meant it. I hope you found what you wanted and I hope you’ll wait for me. Sis I fucking miss you so much every single minute. I want to cry so hard but my tear ducts stay dry no matter what or what I try.

There or so many firsts we aren’t gunna get, Dad said something like that in his speech. But I won’t be able to Tell you about Cali or what I’m doing. I won’t be able to walk on my first beach with you, while you tell me why the Jersey Shore is better. I won’t be able to laugh at that.

Truthfully I don’t know if I’m mad, sad, pissed, hurt, or anything. I feel numb to it. All I know is I fucking miss you. SO much.

I don’t know if I’ll write you another letter, seeing as how you’ll never read this. I wish you didn’t die sis. I wish I would have said something while you were alive but none of us thought it would happen. You even told K**** you didn’t want to die when she told you she was worried. I wish I was a better younger brother to you. I wish we talked more than we did. I wish so many fucking sis. I wish you knew how much you meant to me and how much I loved you before you O.Ded. But you’ll never know. I wish we didn’t find you on the your bedroom floor. I wish you weren’t so pale when I saw you. I hope your final dream was a nice one. At least those pills put you to sleep...

These past almost 2 months have been hell. No text on my birthday this year huh? I’ll miss that but I understand sis. I fucking love you. I really do hope you knew that.

#imissyou #iloveyou

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loisinherlane · 7 years ago

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Title: Types of Love

Summary: Nico lowered his eyes to his bedspread, suddenly acutely aware that he hadn’t replaced his Mythomagic comforter when he’d moved out of his dad’s house. He’d been too lazy to buy another, especially since his was still perfectly good. His soulmates usually thought it was kind of funny. His romantic partners, if they ever made it inside of Nico’s bedroom, knew Nico was a nerd and expected no less. At this moment, Nico wished he had something a little nicer. His cheeks grew red, stomach fluttering in that pleasant way only Will could give him, and for a moment, he considered the idea that Will might return his feelings. But he should have known better. They were soulmates. Will just got up and left.//In a world where romance means less than friendships, Nico falls in love with his platonic soulmate Will Solace and complicates his whole life.

Notes: This is an incredibly self-indulgent, complicated universe that probably has a ton of plot holes. Don’t think about it too hard. If you really have a question, feel free to ask, but I’ll probably be pulling the answer out of my ass. Anyway, to summarize the universe: Everyone has four platonic soulmates. Soulmate marks appear on the first place where soulmates touch. Because of platonic soulmates, in this universe, platonic love is valued over romantic love, meaning that “more than lovers” is probably a more likely phrase than “more than friends.” Romantic love isn’t uncommon. People go through two or three long-term relationships or marriages in their life, usually. Some people marry a soulmate and raise children together, thus creating a romanceless marriage. The nuclear family unit is very uncommon. The End.

Another minor note is that to clean up family ties, I made Persephone Hazel’s biological mother.Sorry about any grammatical or spelling errors. I've done as much editing as I can stand alone, but both of my normal betas were busy with NaNoWriMo (as was I), so it's not been looked as extensively as most of my work. Expect updates on December 14th, January 1st, and January 24th.

Saturday, November 11th, 2017

Nico would be the first to admit he’d never had much control of his mouth. His soulmates would be the second, third, fourth, and fifth, and they’d fight over who said it first, as it was kind of obvious. He was a bit of an asshole sometimes, mainly because he didn’t think before he spoke. It had always gotten him into trouble. Usually of the “has no respect for authority” kind.

“I’m in love with you.”

Nico may have been the first in the world to ever get into trouble for telling his soulmate he loved him.

Okay, sure, in love is different than love. In love was romantic, a relationship of one’s own creation and not the predestined, pure love between soulmates. And, sure, there were a ton of people in the world who thought romantic relationships were inherently lesser than platonic relationships. So maybe Nico definitely should have known better than to confess his non-platonic feelings, but to be fair, Nico hadn’t intended it. Will had just beaten him at Mario Kart, and his stupid face was stupidly attractive--summer always lingered in his skin, leaving him bright, freckles all across his face and down his neck, and his hair had some lighter streaks, and he was smiling . It was disgusting, and frankly, who could blame Nico for being in love with someone like that?

“What?”

Maybe Nico should have prefaced that with something. Maybe he could have added that it didn’t change the fact that Will was his soulmate , and Nico never, ever wanted to give that up. Will was and would always be as important as Hazel, Reyna, and Jason, and just because he was in love with Will didn’t mean he didn’t lovehim.

Nico wasn’t exactly good with people. His soulmates had always come naturally to him. Romantic relationships . . . well, Will had always helped him traverse those, and Will couldn’t tell him what to say right then. Either shocked that he’d had the courage to say anything, or maybe just reeling from the way Will’s face crumpled, how devastated he looked, Nico said nothing. He stared blankly as Will dropped the Gamecube controller on Nico’s bed. Will looked at Nico, waiting for some sign that he was joking or something. Nico lowered his eyes to his bedspread, suddenly acutely aware that he hadn’t replaced his Mythomagic comforter when he’d moved out of his dad’s house. He’d been too lazy to buy another, especially since his was still perfectly good. His soulmates usually thought it was kind of funny. His romantic partners, if they ever made it inside of Nico’s bedroom, knew Nico was a nerd and expected no less. At this moment, Nico wished he had something a little nicer. His cheeks grew red, stomach fluttering in that pleasant way only Will could give him, and for a moment, he considered the idea that Will might return his feelings.

But he should have known better. They were soulmates. Will just got up and left.

That in and of itself wasn’t unusual for Nico’s experience with romance. But for a soulmate? It really sucked. And it sucked even more than this time Nico couldn’t turn to Will.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Of his four soulmates, Nico had taken the longest to click with Will.

Hazel was Nico’s baby sister. Growing up side by side, their soulmateship was easy to develop, from the time Nico allowed her to do his hair to the time Hazel punched the boy who stole Nico’s Mythomagic cards on the playground. Though they had sibling spats, they were impossibly close, and Nico knew he wouldn’t trade their relationship for a thing in the world. Reyna was the next Nico met, at fourteen in the hallway on his first day of high school. Reyna was the sophomore student president, and being busy with the duties that entailed, she was late to class. Nico just overslept. They bumped into each other when Nico decided he could totally walk down the halls with his eyes closed, since it was just a square, and for some reason, they’d stuck together since. Jason and Nico joined up as long-suffering partners in their junior biology class. Nico had steady relationships with three out of four soulmates by eighteen, and he knew he was lucky in that respect. He’d seen how it took time for his soulmates’ soulmateships to settle in.

When he met Will at nineteen, he’d kind of expected it to go the same way. Well, not kind of. He had. Where his other soulmates accepted Nico’s idiosyncrasies and unsociability, Will didn’t. Will had always been special like that.

They met on campus, late afternoon as Nico was walking to his car after class and Will was playing Ultimate Frisbee on one of the fields. Nico had just enough time to look over and think, “Damn, that guy is hot,” before the frisbee smacked into the side of his head.

This, of course, meant that Will, as the only nursing student of the bunch, though he'd hardly taken any medically inclined classes yet, was elected to check out the innocent bystander and make sure their game hadn't ended in manslaughter.

“Shit, shit, shit, sorry, shit,” was all Nico heard as he sat up. When had he landed on the ground? He reached for his head where a lump was already forming, and, ow, that was tender. Nico exhaled slowly and opened his eyes. Oh. The hot guy was right there.

“Do you know your name?” the guy asked. Nico eyed the freckles trailing over his bare arms, brown skin glowing in the afternoon sun. Suddenly, those arms shifted, a hand grabbing onto the back of his neck. “Oh, no, oh, shit, okay. What’s today’s date? Can you speak? Are you alive?”

“Uh, I’m breathing,” said Nico.

The guy exhaled. “Oh, thank god. Okay. I think I need to talk you to the campus clinic. You got smacked pretty darn hard. Left a goose egg. And I’m doing so hot on the concussion check myself.” He reached to touch the bump on Nico’s head lightly. Nico groaned.

“I have to get home,” he said.

Hot-Freckles stared. “You are not driving home without a concussion check.”

“My sister’s waiting,” Nico protested.

“And she’ll be waiting in a hospital if you have a concussion and get behind the wheel,” Hot-Freckles said. “I like to think I’m pretty easy-going, but I’m not letting up on this one. You’re coming with me.” He grabbed Nico by the shoulder and yanked him without concern for if that would injure him further. The motion shook Nico’s head, and he groaned again, stumbling into Hot-Freckles’ side.

Some of the other players came running down the hill. “What’s going on, Will?”

Hot-Freckles--Will--said, “I think he has a concussion. I’m going to take him to the clinic. Y’all can keep playing, but try not to hit anyone else.”

“I need to go home,” Nico said. The players exchanged a look.

“Yeah. I think you need to take him. See you.”

It seemed like no time at all until they arrived at the campus clinic. If Nico filled out any paperwork, he didn’t remember it. Mainly, he was leaning up against the hot freckled guy, grabbing onto his arms and chest to brace himself. Yes, to brace himself. Not to feel him up or anything.

“So what happened to Mr. di Angelo today?” the nurse asked. She addressed Will, probably because Nico was wavering even as he sat on the bed in the exam room. Will reached to steady him.

“I was playing Ultimate Frisbee with my friends, and we kind of-- Well, the frisbee smacked him upside the head,” he said. He had a Southern twang to his voice, kind of like Hazel did, but different. Nico really liked it.

The nurse raised her perfect brows. “Mm. Likely a concussion, then. Let’s see.” She moved to Nico’s side and paused. “That’s an interesting spot for a soulmate mark.”

Nico stopped. “Wuh?”

“The soulmate mark. On your neck,” she said. Nico paused. He had Hazel’s mark on his finger, where she’d grabbed it in the hospital as a baby. Reyna’s was on his chest. Jason’s was on his back. He didn’t have one on his neck.

Will leaned over, and his blue eyes grew wide. “Oh. Well, allbedamned.” He lifted his hand and admired the Niccolò Lorenzo di Angelo across the side of his palm. He kindly held it out for Nico to see. Nico kindly leaned over and puked across his shirt.

The rest was kind of a blur. Will was given a shirt to change into, from one of the other nurses. Nico vaguely remembered Will asking a lot of questions, as he was studying to be a nurse and this was right up his alley. After some tests, the nurse agreed it was probably a concussion, and with some instructions for rest, Nico was sent home.

“Do you need a ride? I live on campus, but I have a car,” Will said as they walked out of the clinic.

“You’re being pretty nice to a guy who just puked on you,” Nico said, still holding his head.

Will gave a crooked grin. “Well, we are soulmates, apparently. Though I got to say, I hope you don’t puke on your soulmates all that often.”

“Only Hazel. And she’s my sister,” Nico joked. Will smiled and helped Nico call her for a ride home, adding his number in there as well.

Maybe it meant something that Nico was checking Will out before he’d learned they were soulmates. As soon as he knew, he packed up any attraction and tucked it away in a box never to be opened. Nico moved on to other guys, and Will became a normal part of his life as his soulmate, completely platonic.

Thursday, November 23rd, 2017

In spite of Nico’s failure to get in touch with Will over the course of the week, he wasn't planning to miss out on Thanksgiving. Their little bunch (consisting of Hazel, Reyna, Jason, Piper, Leo, Will, Lou Ellen, and Cecil) always had their Thanksgiving meal in the bowling alley Cecil’s family owned, a tradition started in college when none of them could afford to fly home for Thanksgiving break, and Nico and Hazel’s parents decided Thanksgiving was the best time for their anniversary cruise. It had a strange vibe, being empty save for them, and having an entire meal spread between all of the tables at the lanes made it even stranger. They were exactly the right people to enjoy this sort of thing.

The issue was that this was Cecil’s family’s bowling alley, and Cecil was Will’s soulmate. Nico was sure if Will didn't want him there, Cecil would uninvite him. But then again, most of the others going we're only known through Nico--Hazel and Lou were soulmates as well, but--

No one had said anything. Nico had to assume he was still welcome.

“Did you remember the sweet potatoes?” Hazel asked from the kitchen of their townhouse. She had a pile of dishes in her arms, and her golden hair bounced every time she turned her hair, landing lightly on her red scarf.

“Uh, you're carrying them,” Nico said, gathering up his own stack.

Hazel peered down. “Oh. Shouldn't you put on a coat?” she asked, glancing over her brother, dressed only in a black sweatshirt and jeans.

“We're just loading the car,” he said.

“But you complain if it's less than 60 degrees. Last year, you tried to make Will carry you around to keep you warm.”

Nico tended at the mention of Will but tried to play it off as adjusting his pile. “Will’s from Texas. He's always cold. Sharing body heat is kindness,” he replied.

Hazel snorted. “You're from Italy. And we grew up in New Orleans. Besides, Will’s not as whiny as you are when it comes to the cold.”

Nico stuck out his tongue and raced to the door, turning the handle with his knee. Hazel was right. The cool air of New England in November was more than he wanted to handle, not that he would admit it. Still, she seemed to know, staring at him as they placed the dishes on the back floorboard.

“Go get your coat and grab the keys,” she ordered, leaning up against Nico’s car.

Nico was suddenly aware of how he'd crossed his arms over his chest, and he clamped them to his side. “I'm only getting it in case Will gets cold and wants to borrow it,” he lied.

“Sure,” Hazel said.

Will would have no need to borrow his coat. Inside the bowling alley, it was a toasty 75, a much needed change from last year.

“Is this warm enough for you, Nico?” Cecil called from behind the counter when he walked.

“Is this warm enough for Will?” he asked automatically. Will, standing next to Cecil, was suddenly very interested in examining the bowling shoes, which was weird, because most years he complained about how unsanitary sharing shoes with so many was until Lou or Cecil told him to shut up and buy his own. Cecil, thankfully, didn't notice, and returned to flipping on all the lights.

“Ah! It burns!” Lou Ellen cried as she ducked underneath a table, abandoning her Addams family-style tablecloth half-rolled.

Hazel giggled and pushed a curl out of her face. “Are Jason and them not here yet?” she asked.

“Nah,” Cecil said. “Go ahead and spread the food on the concessions stand. We installed a heated counter, so I'm hoping it will be useful.”

“Leo was tinkering again,” Lou Ellen explained.

Nico nodded, eyes still locked on Will, still determined not to look at him. He sighed and helped Hazel set up the food.

Lou Ellen slid out from under the table and pulled Hazel into a hug. “Mm. Smells delicious. That's why you two are always on cooking duty,” she said brightly.

“Nico just hates to clean,” Hazel said. Those two seemed prepared to dive into conversation, which was the perfect opportunity for Nico to make his way back towards Will. If he could just--

“What's up, buttercups, I brought blacklights!”

Valdez .

Jason, Leo, and Piper walked into the alley cheerfully, carrying some boxes full of god-knows-what, with Valdez running the show.

“Hey, Nico!” Piper said brightly, plopping her vegan cake down. Sloppy frosting letters spelled, “Fuck the Pilgrims, Native American Appreciation Day.” She paused and placed her hand flat on the counter. “Is this--?”

“Leo.”

“Ah.” Piper moved the cake to an aisle table instead. “So Jason told me you got a promotion.”

“Um--”

“Congratulations,” she said brightly, and curse Jason for getting an incredibly nice girlfriend that Nico actually respected so he couldn't run off in the middle of a conversation. Where was Will now? Cecil was still by the counter, but he-- “--though I don't get your desire to spend more time around dead bodies.”

“Ha. Yeah,” Nico said.

Piper furrowed her brow. “Hey--”

“Pipes! Can you help me with this?”

Piper turned to her boyfriend. “Oh. Yeah, just a sec.”

Then she was gone. Great. Nico was free. Now to find Will.

“Nico.”

Ugh .

“Hi, Reyna,” Nico said, very careful to ensure his tone was even. Reyna could pick up on the slightest issue, and he could not risk acting any out of the ordinary around. She was dressed nicely, hair pulled back into a bun, a button-up, lipstick, the whole nines. She still looked like she could murder ten men in fifteen seconds. “You look nice. What did you bring?”

“The knife,” she said coolly, reaching into her purse. “Cecil texted me and said they broke their turkey-carving knife, so--”

“How?”

“No clue.” Reyna tucked it back into a hidden pocket, probably with her other secret weapons. “Oh, and I made coconut pudding.”

“Yum,” Nico said.

Reyna nodded. Then, a pause, and she turned to look at him, the green flecks in her eyes suddenly piercing. “Are you--?”

“Hey, everyone’s here? Let’s eat!” Cecil yelled, tossing the piles of bowling shoes to the side.

“Please, wash your hands,” came Will’s voice from somewhere in the chaos. Nico craned his head frantically. It was no use. Everyone crowded around the table, filling their plates, and suddenly they were down at the lanes, same as ever. Reyna, Hazel, and Nico sat at one table, next to them, Jason, Leo, and Piper, and then at the other end, Cecil, Lou Ellen, and Will. Damn it. Why did they always set up like this?

“We’re not going to bowl while we eat again, are we?” Jason asked. Nico heard Will say something, but he couldn’t decipher what it was. Jason turned around from his table to face him. Why could Jason talk to Will when Nico couldn’t?

“So how’s work, Reyna?” Hazel asked brightly from her seat beside Nico. On the other side of the table, Reyna perked up.

“I’m teaching a new class. You should come. It’s great for the core, and--”

There was Will, up to get dessert. Perfect. Nico slid out of his seat.

“Hey, mister, you eat your meal before dessert!” Hazel scolded, a grin spreading across her lips. Nico looked to her, then his plate.

“I dropped my fork,” he said as he grabbed his fork from his plate and threw it to the ground. Hazel and Reyna looked in disbelief. He took that opportunity to sidle over to the counter.

“Will.”

Will glanced up from the plate of panna cotta he’d just grabbed. Nico couldn’t help but smile. Will loved panna cotta. That was why Nico made it every year.

“It has berries on top. It’s healthy,” he defended, as if that’s what Nico had come over to discuss.

“I’m not the one who gives the health lectures,” he said.

Will looked him over. “No kidding. Have you been sleeping?”

Not well, Nico thought. He was sure the bags under his eyes from college had returned full-force. It was a wonder no one else had commented on it, but Nico did go through spells of insomnia. Will was the one who noticed when it got really bad. “If by sleep, you mean laying in bed, uh, no.”

The words hung between them, half-natural banter and half-pure discomfort.

Will pressed his lips together and lowered his eyes, blond lashes gleaming against his brown skin.

“Will,” Nico said, breathy, loving, in love.

“Oh, no. I dropped my fork,” Will said and dropped his fork. He walked off to get another.

Thursday, November 25, 2012

“Nico! We’re Skyping Mom and Dad! Get in here!” Hazel yelled. She was curled up in the computer chair, knees in fuzzy pajama pants up to her chest, socks sliding across the leather seat. At only 8:30, it was pretty early for bed, but Thanksgiving was a tiring affair, especially when it dissolved into a bowling tournament halfway through.

Nico made a gurgling sound that roughly translated to, “I’m coming!”

“He’s brushing his teeth,” Hazel told their parents.

“Of course he is. He knew we were going to call,” Persephone di Angelo-Levesque sighed. Her hair was adorned with a variety of small flowers woven into her braid, and she was picking them out and tossing them at her husband, waiting for some sort of reaction. Hades made no move.

Hazel smiled. “He said he has to get the taste of Will’s cookies out of his mouth. Will said it was his grandma’s recipe, but . . . . Well, as Nico said, they tasted like he dug them out of the garbage.”

Nico stuck his head out of the bathroom and made another unintelligible sound, probably defending his soulmate (even though the cookies were truly disgusting), toothbrush sticking out of his mouth.

“Go away. You’re foaming at the mouth,” Hazel said.

Nico rolled his eyes. On the screen, Persephone smiled at her daughter. “Are you sure you’re the little sister?”

A few moments later, Nico came out of the bathroom and pulled up another chair, leaning close to Hazel to see. “What couldn’t wait until morning?” he asked.

Hades stared. “Since when are you awake in the morning?”

Hazel laughed.

“Shut up,” said Nico, ears burning red.

“Settle down,” Persephone said, staring down at her stepson. “We didn’t call you to argue.”

“Darn. That’s what I put in my planner,” Hazel sighed, snapping her fingers.

Persephone frowned. “You’re spending too much time with your brother.”

“Soulmates. She gets me,” Nico said, pulling Hazel underneath his arm and ruffling her hair.

She snorted and got him back, though his dark hair was already messy. “Ha--I really don’t. You’re a weird one, brother.”

Nico stuck his tongue and licked her cheek, and she screeched until their parents cleared their throats.

“I would have thought you’d be a little less energetic after spending all day with your friends,” Persephone remarked.

Hazel perked up. “Oh, it was great! We went to Cecil--that’s Will and Lou’s roommate. They’re all soulmates--anyway, we went to his family’s bowling alley, because they don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving, but business is slow so they still the close the place. We bowled the whole time. Jason showed up later, but Piper and Leo couldn’t make it. Reyna had to work. But we’re thinking maybe we’ll make it a tradition. Most of them said they’ve never been able to go home for Thanksgiving”--“Unlike us,” Nico interrupted, staring at their parents pointedly--“so this was a nice change.”

“I’m glad you had a good time,” Hades said.

“So did we. You’ve never lived until you’ve had Puerto Rican food on Thanksgiving,” Persephone said.

“Then we’ll have to ask Reyna next year,” Nico said.

Hades pursed his lips. “So you’re really not coming home for Thanksgiving next year?”

Nico crossed his arms. “Don’t put this on us. You’re the ones who decided to go on a trip and leave us to starve.”

“You can cook, Nico,” Persephone said.

“Well, I don’t like to.”

“What matters is,” Hazel interjected, “we had a good time. And we’ll be home for Christmas, like always.”

“Like always,” Hades echoed, giving his son a look.

The di Angelo-Levesque family talk continued until about ten, when Hazel started yawning, head falling onto Nico’s shoulders.

“I think that means it’s time to say goodbye. Happy Thanksgiving,” Persephone said, hair now free of all flowers.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Hazel and Nico replied. The call dropped, and for a moment, they just leaned against each other.

“Those cookies Will made were so bad,” Hazel said.

Nico laughed. “Yeah. He can’t cook.”

“He’s lucky he’s cute,” she said. “Honestly, thank you for bringing him into my life, because cute boys are always welcome.”

“Hazel!” Nico stared at her.

She shrugged. “Just saying. Most of the cute boys you introduce me to are your dates. This one’s at least bi and single.”

“You are not dating Will,” he said.

“You can’t stop me.”

“You’re both my soulmates. You can’t date each other,” he argued, crossing his arms over his chest.

Hazel, taking that as a challenge, sat up. “Jason and Piper are dating, and Leo’s their soulmate.”

“That’s different.”

“It’s not though,” Hazel said, rolling her eyes and leaning back up against his arm. “Don’t worry, though. Will’s not his type.”

Nico snickered. “No. His mom is.”

She jerked away. “That is totally unfair! Naomi Solace is an inspirational black woman breaking barriers in country music--”

“--and apparently really hot according to you, Lou, and Reyna,” Nico replied.

She huffed. “Well. I really couldn’t date him then. It’d be too weird.”

“To be hot for his mom?”

“Nico!”

She glared, then snatched the skull ring off of his finger and ran down the hall. Nico sighed and leaned back in the chair, too tired to chase her. It didn’t really matter. She’d return it in the morning. After a moment, he rose from his seat and moved towards his bedroom.

Hazel wasn’t interested in Will, he reminded himself.

Why did the thought even bother him?

Thursday, November 30, 2017

“Why are you here?”

The question was directed at Reyna and Jason, who were gathered at the kitchen table with Hazel, the only one who actually lived there. Nico tossed his coat onto the rack as he leveled his soulmates with a cool stare, hoping that would get them to confess their scheme. It didn’t work. Reyna was the master of the cool stare, and Jason wasn’t wearing his glasses. He couldn’t see shit without his glasses.

“This is an intervention,” Reyna said.

Nico’s face was blank.

“Maybe it should be about all his wine bottles. I mean, damn, Nico, you’ve only been drinking for four years. How many do you need?” Jason asked, staring at the shelf to the side.

Nico rolled his eyes. “I inherited that from my mom, dumbass. And I’ve been drinking since I was sixteen.”

“That’s not legal in America.”

“I’m Italian.”

“You’re still in America.”

“This is not the point,” Reyna interrupted, voice sharp. Hazel nodded her support. Jason held his hands up in surrender, but Nico didn’t budge. “We’re here to talk about Will.”

Nico stiffened. “What about Will?” He kept his voice as level as he could.

“What the hell was going on at Thanksgiving?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nico wondered if it would seem too coincidental if he said he forgot something at work. Of course it would. They weren’t going to let him get away.

“Nico, you and Will are normally joined at the hip when you get together. I know your hours don’t line up well. I’ve never seen you avoid each other like that,” Hazel said, as soft and gentle as ever, and dammit Nico hated that. It was hard not to talk to her when she used that tone.

Jason bit his lip, stretching the scar across it a little wider. “You weren’t avoiding him, though,” he said. “You tried to talk to him, didn’t you?”

Damn it. He really wasn’t getting out of this one.

Nico sighed and took a seat in the remaining chair. His soulmates perked up.

“I’m in love with Will,” he said.

Hazel and Reyna’s faces contorted, a curled lip, scrunched nose, wide eyes. Jason remained impassive.

“Look, I know it’s--” He stopped, not really having a defense. “I’m going to get over him. I couldn’t help it. But it’s not like-- He’s still my soulmate, and I thought-- Fuck.” Nico sighed and buried his head in his hands. Hazel reached to pat his shoulder.

“You know, not what I expected,” Reyna said, as awkward and clunky as she ever was when it came to emotions. Jason and Hazel gave her a look for interrupting. Nico adored her. He didn’t do this emotional shit either.

“It’s the first I’ve heard of it,” Hazel admitted. “You never said a thing to me. Have you been struggling with this for a while? Oh, Nico.” She threw her arms around her brother’s shoulders, leaning against him.

“It’s nothing. Will’s just hurt, okay? He’ll get over it, I guess,” Nico said, tugging himself from Hazel’s hold. He wasn’t convinced. Will hadn’t even spoken to him since. But he couldn’t hold out forever. They were soulmates.

Reyna raised her brows and made a disbelieving noise. “I don’t know. If you told me you were in love with me, I’d--”

“We’re both gay,” Nico said, narrowing his eyes at her.

“Okay. If Hazel told me she was in love with me, I’d be pretty uncomfortable. I mean, we’re beyond that,” she said, clasping her hands on the table. She lowered her eyes. “My point is that it would be rather . . . insulting.”

“I didn’t mean to insult him,” Nico said.

“No one said you did.” Hazel tried to defuse the situation.

Nico huffed. “It’s not my fault he was just being so cute, and, god, I was quiet about it for a year, so it’s not like I just-- I didn’t mean to--” He stopped, the weight of what was happening settling over him. He couldn’t really lose his soulmate over this. Could he? He needed Will, as much as he needed Hazel, Reyna, and Jason. They were his soulmates, his life partners. Without Will--

He blinked, tears gripping at his eyelashes. Reyna and Hazel stared, both looking ready to gather him up in their arms.

“You’re not the first.”

The other three turned to Jason, who’d been silent this entire time. His face was solemn, brows drawn together as he looked at the table.

“Look, I don’t go spreading this around because it’s not my business, and they like to keep it quiet,” Jason said, sitting up and hitting his hands on his knees, “but my soulmate Percy--he’s married to one of his soulmates. Annabeth. They’ve had a romantic relationship since they were . . . sixteen, I think.”

“Oh. Wow,” Hazel said, looking honestly astonished. She leaned back in her chair, shoulders slumping up.

Jason shrugged. “I was kind of shocked when I met them. But they’re happy together. So I think it’s fine. If they want it, then what’s it matter?”

Reyna and Hazel didn’t disagree. They looked to Nico.

“Lucky them,” he said, slamming his head into the table.

Jason smiled, the scar scrunching up. “I know it’s not what you want to hear. But I don’t think there’s much advice we can give you about this. They may have ended up together, but I think they’ll get what you’re going through. You should talk to them.”

Nico grunted.

“Well, since we’re all here,” Hazel said, brightening the room with a smile, “why don’t we watch a movie? What do you say, Nico? I’ll let you pick first.”

“Mythomagic: The Movie,” he said, slowly sitting up.

Jason and Reyna mock-groaned. He cracked a grin. So did they.

#megan writes #solangelo #posting this way after posting on ao3 bc i was zonked this morning #don't stay up until three doing homework kids

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delicatelythoughtfulpatrol · 4 years ago

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I Gave Up My Mexican Last Name for a White Name

By Angela Rodriguez Prilliman

I had minutes to make my decision. Not because the clerk was breathing down my neck, but because I really don’t like to hold people up. Having worked in the service industry throughout high school and college, I know how annoying it is when people come up to the counter but haven’t made their decision yet.

However, I wasn’t simply deciding between a blue or a green sweater. I was choosing either a Mexican last name or a white last name.

I had gotten so swept up in my wedding-planning process that I completely forgot that I would have to ultimately make the decision to remain a Rodriguez or become a Prilliman. I’m pretty traditional when it comes down to it, and I had always known I would take my husband’s last name when I eventually got married. But as I was filling out the marriage-license paperwork, reality sunk in.

If I went through with this name change, I would no longer have a Hispanic label attached to me.

As I stared at the blank space under “New Last Name,” I recalled all the times my Mexican name and heritage had influenced events or situations in my life, and I began weighing the pros and cons. I wish I could say it went differently, but there seemed to be more cons than pros that came with my Hispanic last name due to the racism my family and I have experienced for most of our lives.

I grew up in a small, predominantly white, rural town in central Texas that was known for rodeo, high school football and farms that smell like mounds of cow patties. When I was little, my dad worked on one of these farms. Originally from Monterrey, Mexico, he came to the United States chasing the American dream like many others. After getting married, my mom and dad moved to Stephenville specifically for a farming job opportunity. Given that I was only four or five at the time, I never thought twice about my dad working on a farm because it was all I ever knew.

I wish I could say it went differently, but there seemed to be more cons than pros that came with my Hispanic last name due to the racism my family and I have experienced for most of our lives.

But as I got older, I begin to notice commonalities: brown people worked on the farms, not white people. White people were the teachers, doctors and business owners, the people who lived in nice houses, not the kind with cracked linoleum floors peeling up like moldy cheese.

I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why white people had more access to things than Mexicans. I knew they had more money and seemed smart and important, but how did they get to be that way?

It was sometime in the fifth or sixth grade that I started looking for ways to mask my Mexican-ness. I mimicked the clothing choices of the preppy white girls, attempted to play sports and tried out to be a cheerleader, got competitive with academics and tried to maneuver social circles to prove to everyone I wasn’t like those “other Mexicans.” It worked to some extent; I was told multiple times throughout junior high and high school, “Oh, you’re not really Mexican; you’re white,” which I wore like a badge of honor. Because Mexicans got pregnant in high school; Mexicans did drugs and dropped out; Mexicans didn’t go to college; and I was not one of them.

But it didn’t matter what I was or what I wasn’t, because my last name wasn’t something I could hide on an application or a résumé. Years of striving to be different from a stereotype didn’t matter. The minute someone read or heard the name “Rodriguez,” they made assumptions — that I’m not educated, that I’m poor, that I’m promiscuous, that I’m unable to write well and that I’m someone who can’t be trusted.

There was a prominent family in my hometown known for being avid supporters of the community, who donated their time and money to school fundraisers and the like. They were seen as really nice people — until my sister started dating their son. One day my sister came home sobbing because this boy had broken up with her. His parents made it clear that it wasn’t acceptable to be seriously dating a Mexican girl. I was stunned. His parents had been so kind to us; I had thought they respected my family as equals. The son and my sister continued to see each other in secret for a little while, but the damage was done. Since then, whenever I introduced myself to the parents and grandparents of any white guy I dated, I couldn’t help but wonder,

“Are they genuinely happy to meet me, or were they expecting someone else and are now praying that this doesn’t last?”

The minute someone read or heard the name “Rodriguez,” they made assumptions — that I’m not educated, that I’m poor, that I’m promiscuous, that I’m unable to write well and that I’m someone who can’t be trusted.

As much as politicians want to get that Hispanic vote, they’ve been the worst offenders when it comes to racism. I was the youth chair for a local mayoral race back in Texas. As part of that job, I organized an event in which other prominent politicians would be in attendance. One of these asshats at the event immediately assumed that I was the help and told me that it wasn’t my job to be talking to people; it was my job to bus tables and bring out more food. Speechless, I silently picked up the closest messy plate and walked away. I was so shocked and humiliated that I didn’t know what else to do. Because I didn’t want to let my candidate down, I swallowed the tears, put on my campaigning smile and continued with the event.

My generation isn’t much better, unfortunately. In a college class of mine, the topic of immigration came up. Not realizing there was a Mexican in his midst — because we couldn’t possibly go to universities alongside one —

a classmate made a comment that Mexicans don’t deserve to be in this country and that they abuse the welfare system, eat up taxpayer money and don’t contribute anything to society as a whole.

So apparently, my family and I should just get shipped back to Mexico because we are worthless to the United States.

I wish I hadn’t, but I fired back at this guy, knowing that everyone in the room was probably thinking, “Oh, man, another aggressive Latina over here. Don’t get on this girl’s bad side!” I can’t even stand up for myself or people I care about without being looked at like the emotional Hispanic (my equivalent of the angry black woman).

With so many examples like these, it was really hard to come up with more than one good reason to keep my Hispanic name, outside of affirmative action. I’m fairly certain I earned most of the college scholarships my community offered because I was the ultimate trifecta: in the top 5 percent of my class, relatively lower income and Hispanic. But college is over. How would my Hispanic name help me today or in the future?

And if you needed any more evidence that people read cultural biases into names, a recent video came out about a Mexican who saw drastic results in responses to his job application once he changed his name to a traditionally white one. What’s funny is that I’d told my little brother to do the same exact thing years ago, because you can’t sound any more Mexican than Jose Rodriguez.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PR7SG2C7IVU&feature=emb_title

So when it comes down to it, I’ve experienced too many instances of discrimination, both subtle and overt, to justify keeping my last name.

Another thing weighing on me was my desire to continue to work in tech. And even with all the big tech companies releasing diversity reports and vowing to be different, employers tend to hire people who are like themselves. With so few Hispanic people in tech and in the corporate world in general, I wasn’t going to hold my breath anymore and hope for attitudes about race and ethnicity to change.

So when push came to shove, I changed my last name to Prilliman.

I saw the opportunity to appear “more white” and finally receive some of the advantages that come along with that change.

And I immediately was disappointed with myself.

My mental identity crisis went something like this: Your name is so bland now. How will people know that you have this fiery passion about you? What about all the other Latina women trying to make it in the world? You’ll never be an inspiring example to them! You have a massive, crazy family, and your name doesn’t match this anymore. You’ve become unrelatable to your people! Selena is rolling in her grave right now!

Nothing too noticeable has changed since I made the switch, though. I feel more comfortable in some social situations because people don’t judge me by my name before they meet me in person.

But I still worry that I’m tricking people, and feel guilty that I’m doing something wrong by cloaking myself in a white name.

Luckily, changing back to Rodriguez is still a legal option should the conflict over my overt cultural identity push me in the opposite direction. But I’m not sure if I ever will go back to my Mexican last name.

In the meantime, if I want to add a little Rodriguez to my signature whenever I feel like it, I still can. And I do. Because I know that even with all the baggage that comes along with my Mexican name, it sometimes comes with great opportunities. Opportunities to change people’s minds.

https://thebolditalic.com/i-gave-up-my-mexican-last-name-for-a-white-name-the-bold-italic-san-francisco-9a4cca7d3b8b

#latino #latina #hispanic #america #mexican #spanish

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cosmosogler · 7 years ago

Text

the other day on the phone mom told me that dad’s feelings were hurt because i didn’t say goodbye to him enough when i left.

ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

i woke up this morning. i wish i could remember my dreams a little better. it feels like there’s something that keeps happening over and over and i can’t ever remember what it is no matter how many times it happens.

maybe it’s just that feeling of deja vu more than actually experiencing the same... “thing” in my dreams night after night. the ones i’ve written down only had a common thread of feeling, like, resigned. tired. quiet.

i’m not sure how to say what i’m thinking right now. i’ll try to work up to it i guess.

the internet was out all morning so i didn’t get to bum around on tumblr or check my emails. i filled up my water bottles and put them in the fridge. i’ve got seven water bottles stored for the ~2 projected days of the hurricane. that should be enough. i don’t think the power or water would be out for that long. and if it is out for that long, the storm will have passed by the time i’d need to leave the apartment.

my sister isn’t willing to send over ANY gamecube games for the console here. so that plan is a bust i guess. i keep forgetting i can’t really... well, i can always expect for her to do what she wants.

oh. the governor just closed every school in florida. tomorrow. through monday. current projections put the hurricane directly over my town. as a category 3.

welp! i am SUPER glad i decided to bring all my textbooks home today *just in case*. i’ll have something to do for the next four days.

haha my comments in the grad chat won the honor of being the first-ever liked text message in our channel.

guess i don’t have to worry about going to bed exactly on time tonight then. i’ll keep writing.

i taught for four hours straight today. i’m upset at how many dumb, careless mistakes i’ve been making. i tell myself i’m doing the best i can and then i just... forget things. they don’t even occur to me until it’s too late. the absolute worst though was when the student from my third section who doesn’t speak a lot of english came in. i called him by the wrong name. there were two names on the roster i recognized as chinese and i... picked the one i remembered calling him last week. so not only was i wrong this time, i had been wrong last week when i’d been talking to him. jesus christ. i examined some of my priorities and tendencies to rush into things after that for a while.

i apologized twice and also tried to call him by the right name a couple times while talking to him about the lab afterward. he did pretty good this week though.

after that i don’t really know what i did. i guess i must have had a snack. i’m kind of drawing a blank on what happened between 2 and 4 though. maybe i just watched youtube videos in my office... i’d meant to read but i never really got to it. i did eventually buckle down and find and call a dentist, and get all my other medical paperwork sorted. i did Actual Work until near 6 even though none of it was schoolwork. i waited a half hour for the bus and then when i got home i made cauli tots.

cauli tots are like tater tots, but with cauliflower instead of taters.

snoopy was a little more receptive to playing today. i was so proud of her when she batted at the toy i was waving in front of her.

then i watched youtube videos all evening!!! like a punk!!!!!!!!!!!

suicidal thoughts are weird. to experience, i guess. like i am continually bombarded by the realization that i am currently sitting in some kind of mysterious box with light coming out of the top. and i am looking at a couple pieces of metal with a glowing thing. and then i think, “wow, i am really good for nothing, i am really unhappy, i am really not a good person to know, i am really just going to be a sad irredeemable lump for the next 20 years just like the last 20 years.”

i just. i guess when i realized i was going to die someday (at ~5 or 6) there was a kind of relief? in knowing i could do it myself, maybe? maybe i am misremembering my years before christian school. i know i was experiencing symptoms of depression before christian school. but i didn’t have those words so i wasn’t really... looking for those symptoms or recognizing that they weren’t the same as what other people were experiencing throughout childhood.

there’s a certain sort of resignation you get when at an early age you think, “something’s really wrong with me.” and then you’re proven right over and over and over. heart defects. depression. being Pretty Gay.

i know none of those things are “wrong” but as a kid different is always wrong.

taking the physics prelim. “no, you don’t understand, i felt REALLY bad about how i did on this test.” “you’re fine! everyone was nervous!” “no, you really don’t UNDERSTAND.”

i was right.

i keep telling myself i’m not stupid like someday i’ll believe it but i keep getting reminded over and over again how stupid i really am, how many stupid careless mistakes i make, how little energy i can commit toward being not stupid and dumb and bad.

like, “kill yourself” is such an easy thing to think. it’s so disorienting to actually think it though. to get from

“i complain about everything even though that never fixed anything” ->

“i needed help and no one came, why can’t i recognize and react to these patterns, complaining is useless but i do it anyway” ->

“complaining is annoying AND i can’t trust people, i’ll never have close friends” ->

“i want to die.”

dying is fine! they’ll just write me off as selfish anyway!! i’m turning into one of those CRAZY crazies who can’t/just WON’T get better!!!

i don’t like the way the world kind of warps when i get those thoughts. words stop meaning anything. feelings stop meaning anything. the way the scab on my finger knuckle hurts when i bump it doesn’t mean anything.

writing all these journal entries, spending 40 minutes spewing all my thoughts everywhere on a blog every day... it looks like i am doing a lot of hard work examining myself! but it’s not hard work. it’s fake work. it’s fake. i can’t get better because i’m not working hard enough to change. i can’t do better at physics or therapy or whatever the hell until i start putting in real work instead of fake work.

and i’m stupid because i can’t tell what the difference is.

i’m... seeing the new psychiatrist in 11 days. they will probably want to change up my meds. but i’m tired of wanting to just sleep all the time. well, i mean, i want to sleep all the time anyway, but with meds this ineffective i can push away that feeling and keep going! “keep going,” i say, as i talk about how i very specifically do not want to keep going.

i was trying to figure out how to explain my depression to taylor and luis in the office today when luis asked what i had, that i was getting accommodations. i wanted to say “it used to be worse but now it’s kind of settled into a casual nihilism that i think is funny and charming but it mostly just makes everyone worried.”

i say it used to be “worse” but i’m not sure what worse means here. like the feeling was a lot sharper five years ago, sure. it was a lot more painful when it got bad. my grades were somehow even worse than they are now. i didn’t want to talk to anyone.

i guess it was worse then. now it’s just like, oh, this again. guess i gotta get up and Face The Day; nothing better to do.

that’s the worst, i think. my group therapist at the hospital pointed it out. “why are you here?” she would ask. “eh, nothing better to do i guess,” i’d answer and kind of half-smile. she’d express concern at my lack of commitment. maybe that’s what really killed my ability to get better using that therapy in the end.

everyone else participates and sometimes doesn’t come if they don’t wanna. i come every single time but don’t really participate. i fake participate. i mostly only share things i know don’t matter that much. i put my foot in and hope that’s good enough, that maybe the pool will swim for me if i show up wearing a swim suit.

isn’t that what i’m really doing? i’m having trouble breaking down what’s going on there. i can’t tell. i can’t tell what “real” effort is and what “fake” effort is. i guess fake effort is, like, playing it safe? only changing things i feel comfortable changing?

but like... how am i supposed to make changes i’m not comfortable with? i think about this stuff all the time. i feel that i should be able to adopt healthier coping/boundary strategies without fundamentally changing the way i approach interactions with other people. that feels like something i shouldn’t change, not just something i don’t want to change. how am i supposed to become the person i want to be if i don’t like the way i am changing?

i mean i don’t like the way i am changing either way but going for it deliberately feels like a betrayal.

i’m so stupid. i keep asking mom for advice or comfort even though i know 100% that i am not going to get it from her. she has maybe said one useful thing to me in my life and i don’t think it’s something she also thought was actually useful. maybe i still want someone to just tell me what to do and mom was such an effective all-consuming eldritch helicopter parent that i just look to her EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO. i mean, i don’t even like other people’s parents! i don’t like other people’s parents BECAUSE of my parents!! and i still keep going to them???

i don’t know what to do. i want someone to tell me what to do so i don’t have to figure it out myself. i’m so tired all the time it feels like i’m never going to figure it out. i can’t tell if i’m an effective problem-solver for little problems that require improvisation or if i’m just really good at googling stuff and following those directions, written by someone else. every problem i solve i feel like i should attribute to someone else even when i never actually asked for help or looked anything up. i can’t even remember any examples off the top of my head. i don’t think about them. i just do them.

i said “i” a lot today. i always talk about myself. even though this is my journal and is specifically meant for me to talk about myself? i feel like i’m doing something wrong. even using “i” statements when being honest and direct with people feels like... i’m being selfish by talking about myself. even though that’s what you’re supposed to do, that’s what therapists teach you to do to communicate effectively.

i promise i was this miserable this afternoon. i didn’t “ruin a good mood” i had tonight by focusing on just the negatives. i just plain feel bad!

#tw suicide

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